a letter to the Tide Detergent Company
Dear Tide,
I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all through my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best.Now that I am in my fifties, I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse. I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out. After a quick trip to the supermarket, I purchased a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I would no longer be considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having such a great product. Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.
hank
too smart for the first-grade
A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third -grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
Ms Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.
The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.
She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know.
The principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the third-grade."
Ms Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Harry both agree.
Ms Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
"Harry, after a moment "Legs."
Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Harry: "Pockets."
Ms Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants"
Ms Brooks: What's a start with a C and ends with a T is hairy, oval, and delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Harry: Coconut
Ms Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry was taking charge.
Harry: Bubblegum
Ms Brooks: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.
Harry: Shake hands
Ms Brooks: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Harry: Yep.
Ms Brooks: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Harry: Tent
Ms Brooks: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless and a bit tense.
Harry: Wedding Ring
Ms Brooks: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Harry: Nose
Ms Brooks: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Harry: Arrow
Ms Brooks: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?
Harry: Fire truck
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last ten questions wrong myself."
hank
:LOL:
Subject: Building muscle strength
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Just came across this exercise suggested for seniors, to build
muscle strength in the arms and shoulders. It seems so easy, I thought I'd pass it on to some of my younger (and older) friends and family.
The article suggested doing it three days a week.
Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb. potato sack in each hand, extend your
arms straight out from your sides, and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, then relax.
Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for just a
bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb. potato sacks.
Then 50-lb. potato sacks, and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb. potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.
When you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks.
hank
Re: Re: Subject: Building muscle strength
Quote:
Originally posted by DennyW
:LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
That's really funny to me. 2 months ago, I couldn't lift my right arm by itself, hahaha. I kept working, and now, I can lift a Miller lite repeadedly. :LOL: :LOL:
im glade you said beer, because i thought for sure you was gonna say you couldnt wipe your butt. im glade that wasnt the case.:HMMM: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :cool:
Re: Re: Re: Re: Subject: Building muscle strength
Quote:
Originally posted by DennyW
:LOL: :LOL: I still can't lift a regular Miller, has to be the lite, :LOL: :LOL:
as long as every thing else gets done the beer can waite. i cant drink you cant drink.:CRY:
Re: Re: Subject: Building muscle strength
Quote:
Originally posted by DennyW
:LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
That's really funny to me. 2 months ago, I couldn't lift my right arm by itself, hahaha. I kept working, and now, I can lift a Miller lite repeadedly. :LOL: :LOL:
yeap, Denny, those 12 oz currels work pretty well for us old farts.:LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: