the Official CHR joke page duel

16. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed Your Ass Out All
Day Long

15. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You....

14. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me

13. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

12. I Liked You Better Before I Got to Know You So Well

11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better

10. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight 'Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win

9. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight

8. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like You're Still Here

7. If I Had Shot You When I First Wanted To, I'd Be Out Of Prison By
Now

6. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him

5. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger

4. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

3. Her Teeth Was Stained But Her Heart Was Pure

2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer

And the Number one song is. . . . .

1. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With Ugly Women, but I've Sure Woke Up
With A Few

Just before Christmas, Bill rang his son in England, and said; "Son, I know your mother and I have been married almost 50 years, but enough is enough, we're separating and getting a divorce."
Greatly shocked, his son said; "Hang on Dad, you can't do that, look, I'll ring my sister in Australia, we'll all fly home, and talk it through at a family conference. Just don't do anything too hasty."
Bill hung up the phone, turned to his much loved wife and said; "Well that's organised, the kids will be home for Christmas, and what's more they're paying their own air fares!"


Most accidents occur in the home, and men have to eat them.

johnboy

Why can't the Irish tell jokes timing.

Andy.:eek:

A little Christmas & Holiday Cheer!

Quote:

---

Originally posted by DennyW
Wow, I just got my new system installed, and when I clicked on the funny, which was a good one BTW, it opened it up in the paint program because it was a bimp file. That's cool !!. Well, I laughed anyway. :LOL:

---

your fileing system sounds like mine. :whacked: :LOL:

What's the difference between snot and cauliflower?













Kids will eat snot.

That's GROSS!!!! It's good, I liked it, but still gross!
(Can't wait to tell my daughter, when my grandson won't eat his veges.)

johnboy

Tow'd that's funny as heck, but very true. :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Oldf100fordman
Tow'd that's funny as heck, but very true. :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:

---

funny, true, and gross !!!!!

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. -Robert A. Heinlein

and so it goes in the South........

Bubba and Homer were sitting in back of their trailers, shooting the breeze.

Bubba asked Homer, "If I snuck ovah to yore house while you wuz out fishin' an' I made love to yore wife, an' she got pregnant, would that make us kin?"

Homer scratched his head for a bit then said,
"I don't think so, but it shore would make us even

"shore would make us even" thats funny!!

A man and a woman, who had never met before,
but were both married to other people,
found themselves assigned to the same sleeping
room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly... he in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replied,
"just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied, "Then get your own damn blanket!"

After a moment of silence, he farted.

Quote:

---

Originally posted by DennyW
Auh, Hahahaha, good one Mike !!:LOL: :LOL:

---

thats how you know the honymoon is over. :CRY: :LOL:

Man about town



Pedro and Maria got married. Pedro was a "man about town "so to speak, but Maria was very naive and uninformed about the birds and the bees.

Pedro was a poor working man and could not afford to take time off for a honeymoon. So, that night they retired to his little shack. When Pedro was undressing Maria said, "Oh Pedro, what is that?"

Pedro, being very quick thinking, said, "Maria, I am the only man in
the world with one of these." And, then, he proceeded to show her what it was for, and Maria was happy.

The next morning Pedro went off to work as usual. When he returned home that evening, Maria was on the front porch obviously upset about something.

"Pedro, you told me that you were the only man in the world with one of those, and I saw Gonzalez the gardener changing his clothes behind the shed, and he had one, too."

Thinking quickly, Pedro said, "Oh, Maria, Gonzalez is my very best
friend. I had two of them so I gave him one. He is the only other man in the world with one of those."

Marie being very trusting accepted his answer and they did their thing again that night.

Pedro went off to work the next morning; and, when he returned home, Maria was very upset, stamping her foot on the porch.

Pedro said, "Maria, what is the matter now?"

"Pedro, you gave Gonzalez the best one!!"