I couldn't get into the restaurant without a tie so I used my cars jumper cables.
The manager said "O.K. but don't start anything"
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I couldn't get into the restaurant without a tie so I used my cars jumper cables.
The manager said "O.K. but don't start anything"
A Queenslander is drinking in a West Australian Pub when he gets a call on his mobile phone and as he listens to the call he starts grinning from ear to ear, then when he disconnects he shouts to the barman that he wants to buy everyone in the bar a drink.
The barman starts serving the drinks and the people start to crowd around keen to know what they are celebrating.
"Well," he announces, "My wife's just produced a typical Queensland baby boy weighing 25 pounds".
Nobody can believe that any baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Queenslander just shrugs, "That's about average in Queensland. Like I said, my boy is a typical Queensland boy."
Congratulations showered him from all around and many exclamations of "STREWTH" and "BLOODY HELL!" were heard. One woman even fainted due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later the Queenslander returns to the same bar. The barman says "You're the father of that typical Queensland baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth aren't you? Everybody's been having bets about how big he'd be in 2 weeks, we were going to call you. So - how much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answers: "17 pounds."
The bartender is puzzled and concerned. "What happened? He weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!"
The Queensland father takes a long s-l-o-w swig from his XXXX Gold beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans onto the bar and proudly says, "We had him circumcised!"🤣
I have an old miners helmet with a torch on the front.
I never wear it because it makes me lightheaded...
cat that stutters
Attachment 75403
The sheriff enters the bar "Has anyone seen Brown Paper Jack?" he asks.
"What does he look like?"
"He wears a brown paper suit, with a brown paper hat, shirt, tie, socks and shoes."
"What's he wanted for sheriff?"
"Rustling."
OUCH JB..... paper thin that one!
.....Attachment 75407.....Quote:
Originally Posted by johnboy
The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job. She had a liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan and had worked as a social worker and school teacher.
The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"
"Well, as a matter of fact, I have! I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Chryslers and voted for Trump.
That was almost good. :LOL:
From that resume I'd say she voted for Biden
Yesterday afternoon......
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Attachment 75421
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA..... thanks for the smile!
you know..?? if you close 1 eye and squint the other.. it looks like a tranny! no matter where you live!
What do you call a bookworm who can't stop reading about strong female characters?
A heroine addict.
A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 6:30 after work.
His wife screams at him while his friend sits and listens in.
“My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I am still in my pajamas and I can’t be bothered with cooking tonight! Why the hell did you bring him home?”
Calmly the husband replies, “Because he’s thinking of getting married and I promised him a demo.”
