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"I was out golfing the other day, was on the second tee when I noticed a big frog sitting next to the tee. I thought nothing of it, and was just about to address the ball when I heard "Rebbitt! Nine iron!"
I looked around and saw no-one, and again I heard "Rebbitt! Nine iron."
I looked at the frog, and thinking to prove him wrong decided to put the club away and use the nine iron.
Boom! I hit it 10 inches away from the cup. I was shocked! I said to the frog "Wow! That's amazing! You must be a lucky frog eh?"
"Rebbitt! Lucky frog," it replied.
So I decided to take the frog with me to the next hole.
"What do you think frog?" I asked.
"Rebbitt! Three wood," it replied.
So I took my three wood out and...Bam! A hole in one!
And so it went on to the end of the day, I had the best days golf I've had in my life.
So I said to the frog "Okay, where next?"
"Rebbitt. Crown Casino." So off we went to the Casino."
And the frog said "Rebbitt! Roulette."
Approaching the roulette wheel I asked the frog "What should I bet?"
"Rebbitt. Black six $3000."
This is a million-to-one shot, but after the golf I reckoned I was onto a good thing, and sure enough a stack of chips came sliding across the table.
I took my winnings and the frog and got the best room in the hotel. I put the frog down and said "Frog, I don't know how to repay you, you gave me the best round of golf ever, and won me enough money to retire in comfort. I am forever grateful!"
The frog said "Rebbitt! Kiss me."
I figured that after all the frog had done for me it would be churlish to refuse such a simple request, so I kissed the frog.
There was a blinding flash and instantly the frog turned into a 17 year old girl.
And that your Honour is how I finished up with that girl in my hotel room."
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So, wee Jimmy is sitting at the dining table doing his homework.
He turns to his mum, Sheilia, and says, "Maw, would you do this homework for me?"
Senga looks at him and says, "No Jimmy, you know that it if I did it then that wouldn't be right."
Jimmy replies, "I know maw, but you could try and do your best!"
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1 Attachment(s)
Y'all know it's the same for you, too!!!
Attachment 75989
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"Every time I sneeze" says the blonde to her doctor, "I have an orgasm."
"What are you taking for it?" he asks.
"Pepper."
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Late one night Jack takes a shortcut through the cemetery. Hearing a tapping sound he becomes scared and quickens his pace. The tapping gets louder and Jack is now scared out of his wits. Then he notices a man chiseling a tombstone, “ Thank goodness! ” Jack says to the man, “ You gave me the fright of my life. Why are you working so late?” “They spelt my name wrong”
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here are five different kinds of sex:
The first is Smurf Sex. This happens during the honeymoon; you both keep doing it until you're blue in the face.
The second is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage; you'll have sex anywhere, anytime. Including the kitchen.
The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You've calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you've got to do it in the bedroom.
The fourth kind is Hallway Sex. This is where you pass each other in the hallway and say, "Screw you!"
And the last, fifth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex. This is when you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of everyone in court.
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An 84-year-old man is having a drink in a bar.
Suddenly a gorgeous girl enters and sits down a few seats away.
The girl is so attractive that he just can't take his eyes off her. After a short while, the girl notices him staring, and approaches him.
Before the man has time to apologize, the girl looks him deep in the eyes and says to him in a sultry tone: "I'll do anything you'd like. Anything you can imagine in your wildest dreams, it doesn't matter how extreme or unusual it is, I'm game. I want $100, and there's another condition."'
Completely stunned by the sudden turn of events, the man asks her what her condition is.
"You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
The man takes a moment to consider the offer from the beautiful woman.
He whips out his wallet and puts $100 dollars into her hand...
He then looks her square in the eyes, and says slowly and clearly: "Paint my house."
Our needs change as we get older, and we tend to look for bargains...
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Sign at service station: 'Please do not smoke near fuel pumps. Your life won't be worth much, but our petrol is.
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"What will happen if I miss a payment on the car?" the boy racer asked the salesman.
"We'll get you back on your feet."
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"Tell me God; why did you make women so beautiful?" asked the new arrival to Heaven.
"So that you would love her," said God
"Well why did you make her so dumb?"
"So that she would love you." said God.
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Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
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What's brown and sounds like a bell?
Dung...
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What's the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?
Snowballs.
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I extended an invitation to Rosie Norton (jb's She Who Must Be Obeyed, (i.e. his wife)) to join CHR so she could see his Joke Page Posts firsthand.
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Just kidding, jb, you're safe, at least for now..... |
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She won't be surprised; She's heard them all before.
:whacked: :whacked: :whacked:
And if they're a bit grubby She won't mind, 'cos there's been sex in her family (and mine,) for generations...
:) :) :)
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