I thought you would want to know. It is with the saddest heart that we must pass on the following news. Please join us in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.
The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and
complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs.Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.
The grave site was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never realized how much he was kneaded.
Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very "smart" cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, their two children -
John Dough and Jane Dough and they had one in the oven. He is survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 350 for about 20 minutes.
A new 2004 SCAM
If you get an envelope from a company called the Internal Revenue Service,' DO NOT OPEN IT! This group operates a scam around this time every year.
Their letter claims that you owe them money, which they will take and use to pay for the operation of essential functions of the United States government. This is untrue! The money the IRS collects is used to fund various inefficient and pointless social engineering projects.
This organization has ties to another shady outfit called the Social Security Administration, who claim to take money from your regular paychecks and save it for your retirement. In truth, the SSA uses the money to pay for the same misguided make-work projects the IRS helps mastermind.
These scam artists have bilked honest, hard working Americans out of billions of dollars. Don't be among them! FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW
If you think computers are a great invention!
In March 1997, a man living in Newton near Boston Massachusetts received a bill for his as yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0.00.
He ignored it and threw it away. In April he received another and threw that one away too. The following month the credit card Company sent him a very nasty note stating they were going to cancel his card if he didn't send them $0.00 by return of post. He called them, talked to them, they said it was a computer error and told him they'd take care of it.
The following month he decided that it was about time that he tried out the troublesome credit card figuring that if there were purchases on his account it would put an end to his ridiculous predicament. However, in the first store that he produced his credit card in payment for his purchases he found that his card had been canceled.
He called the credit card Company who apologized for the computer error once again and said that they would take care of it.
The next day he got a bill for $0.00 stating that payment was now overdue. Assuming that having spoken to the credit card company only the previous day the latest bill was yet another mistake he ignored it, trusting that the company would be as good as their word and sort the problem out.
The next month he got a bill for $0.00 stating that he had 10 days to pay his account or the company would have to take steps to recover the debt.
Finally giving in he thought he would play the company at their own game and mailed them a check for $0.00. The computer duly processed his account and returned a statement to the effect that he now owed the credit card company nothing at all.
A week later, the man's bank called him asking him what he was doing writing a check for $0.00. After a lengthy explanation the bank replied that the $0.00 check had caused their check processing software to fail. The bank could not now process ANY checks from ANY of their customers that day because the check for $0.00 was causing the computer to crash. The following month the man received a letter from the credit card company claiming that his check had bounced and that he now owed them $0.00 and unless he sent a check by return of post they would be taking steps to recover the debt. The man, who had been considering buying his wife a Computer for her birthday, bought her a typewriter instead.
Bumper stickers seen around the USA:
1. Constipated People Don't Give A Shit.
2. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.
3. If You Drink, Don't Park - Accidents Cause People.
4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?
5. If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
6. Please Tell Your Pants It's Not Polite To Point.
7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.
8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.
9. Thank You For Pot Smoking.
10. To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.
11. If At First You Don't Succeed ... Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
12. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".
13. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
14. Horn Broken .. Watch For Finger.
15. It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.
16. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.
17. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
18. The Earth Is Full-Go Home
19. I Have The Body Of A God ... Buddha
20. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me
21. So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time
22. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
23. If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
24. The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name
25. Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
26. Illiterate? Write For Help.
27. Honk If Anything Falls Off
28. Cover Me - I'm Changing Lanes
29. He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit
30. I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person
31. You! Out Of The Gene Pool!
32. I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To
33. Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?
37. If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong ...
38. Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
39. If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over.
[Seen Upside Down On A Jeep]
40. Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph Are Also Timed For 70 mph.
41. Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
42. If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
43. Necrophilia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One.
44. Ax Me About Ebonics
45. Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel
46. Boldly Going Nowhere
47. Cat: The Other White Meat
48. Caution - Driver Legally Blonde
49. Don't Be Sexist - Bitches Hate That
50. Heart Attacks ... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.
51. Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window
52. How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is lost?
53. If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.
54. Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch
55. Saw It ... Wanted It ... Had A Fit ... Got It!
56. My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.
57. GROW YOUR OWN DOPE -- PLANT A MAN.
58. All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.
59. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them
60. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
61. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
62. BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
63. So you're a feminist ... Isn't that precious.
64. I need someone really bad ... Are you really bad?
65. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus. Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one. It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1950.
Symptoms:
1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.
2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail.
3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person.
4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you.
5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.
6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished.
7. Causes you to hit "DELETE" instead of "SEND."
8. Causes you to hit "SEND" when you should "DELETE."
IT IS CALLED THE "C-NILE VIRUS."
