Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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Originally Posted by johnboy

I'm shifting house so I phoned the local council to ask if I could have a skip outside my house.
They said I could do cartwheels around the block for all they cared.
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I'm gonna need some Kiwi definition before I can laugh at this one!! What's "a skip" in Kiwi?

Shifting house=Moving
Skip=Dumpster
I had to look it up. LOL

Originally Posted by JOATMON

Shifting house=Moving
Skip=Dumpster
I had to look it up. LOL

Thanks!! I usually do the "NZ Slang" lookup but decided to poke the bear this time!

I wanted to complain about this NZ slang business, but I see it was resolved before it mattered. LOL..

Originally Posted by 34_40

I wanted to complain about this NZ slang business, but I see it was resolved before it mattered. LOL..

To jb we're all KIWI's displaced by a few thousand miles and the Equator, so we're expected to understand that a skip is a dumpster!!

Well us Kiwis talk English proper.
Try this one:
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I've lately joined a Dating Site for arsonists.
I'm just waiting for a match now.
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Originally Posted by rspears

To jb we're all KIWI's displaced by a few thousand miles and the Equator, so we're expected to understand that a skip is a dumpster!!

Originally Posted by johnboy

Well us Kiwis talk English proper.
Try this one:
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I've lately joined a Dating Site for arsonists.
I'm just waiting for a match now.
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A "skip" = a dumpster.... but he says it's proper english??? Oh.. Okay.
Most of us can see the dating site pun, "matching" with an arsonist..
But a "SKIP? How is that a box? It must all be in the air.... over my head

A skip is a huge crate with chains on it at all four corners, the only way I know to shift it is to hire a Hiab.

A Hiab is a small crane mounted at either end of a truck's tray...some pick up at 20 tons or so, other smaller ones are around the 2 ton mark.
A handy machine.
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Originally Posted by johnboy

A skip is a huge crate with chains on it at all four corners, the only way I know to shift it is to hire a Hiab.

A Hiab is a small crane mounted at either end of a truck's tray...some pick up at 20 tons or so, other smaller ones are around the 2 ton mark.
A handy machine.
.

Also apparently called a "Skip Bin" - https://www.wm.nz/for-home/skip-bin/

If your wife has a friend that annoys you don't tell your wife to stop being friends with her.
Just casually mention how pretty she is...
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A man was watching his wife as she prepared to fry sausages in a pan. He noticed that before placing the sausages in the pan, she always cut off both ends, threw them away, and cooked only the middle part.
Puzzled, he asked, "Honey, why do you always cut off the ends of the sausage before frying it?"
His wife shrugged and replied, "I don’t know. It’s just how my mum taught me to do it."
Curious, the next day they visited her mother. The wife asked, "Mom, why did you teach me to cut off the ends of the sausage before frying it?"
The mother paused for a moment, then said, "I’m not really sure. That’s how my mother always did it. We should ask her."
So the two of them went to visit the grandmother. The wife turned to her grandmother and asked, "Grandma, why do we always cut off the ends of the sausage before frying it?"
The grandmother smiled thoughtfully and said, "That’s just the way my mother taught me. I never really questioned it. We should ask her."
Determined to get to the bottom of this, the three women visited the great-grandmother at her retirement home.
After explaining the situation, the great-granddaughter asked loudly, "Great-grandma, why did you teach us to cut off the ends of the sausage before frying it?"
The elderly woman looked surprised and replied, "Wait, you’re all still doing that? I only did it because my pan was too small to fit the whole sausage!"

I asked the missus what she wanted for Xmas and She said 'nothing' would make her happier than a diamond necklace.

So I got her nothing...
'

If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic. does Fanta make you fantastic?
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For men who think a woman's place is in the kitchen just remember that's where the knives are kept.
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A husband went to the police station to file a "missing person" report for his missing wife:

Husband: "I lost my wife, she went shopping & hasn't come back yet."
Inspector: "What is her height?"
Husband: "I never checked."
Inspector "Slim or healthy?"
Husband: "Not slim, she can be healthy."
Inspector: "Color of eyes?"
Husband: "Never noticed".
Inspector: "Color of hair?"
Husband: "Changes according to season".
Inspector: "What was she wearing?"
Husband: "Not sure. It may have been a dress or maybe a suit."
Inspector: "Was she driving?"
Husband: "Yes".
Inspector: "Tell me the type & color of the car?"
Husband: "A black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 litre V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. It has full LED headlights,which use light emitting diodes for all light functions. It has a very thin scratch on the front left door".….and then the husband started crying...

Inspector: "Don't worry sir,..We'll find your car"
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