You're Not Getting Better, You're Getting Older
I ran across this piece in an old hot rod magazine, and thought us guys over 50 could relate pretty well to it. I may be plagiarizing the article, but it was written 11 years ago, and the magazine is no longer published, so here goes.
15 WAYS TO KNOW YOU ARE GETTING OLDER:
1) Jack stands are getting shorter. These things must be like 2 x 4 lumber that keep getting smaller. Why just 5 years ago you could set the jackstand at mid-range and slip under the car on a creeper. Now you're on the top notch and can barely fit under the car WITHOUT the creeper !
2) Geez it's dark in here: So you finally wedge yourself under the car only to find out you can't see a darned thing because it's too dark. That 40 watt lead light just doesn't cut it any more. Now you've got the walls and ceiling of the garage plastered with banks of flourescent bulbs (the local power company's stock rises every time you flip the switch) so you can see the fine details, and you still squint.
3) Geez it's hot in here: You know the 10,000 candlepower light system you now require under the car to see anything? Well, guess what Bunky, those bulbs generate heat, which makes the sweat off your balding head run into your eyes. So now you need a fan. By the time you get the lights and the fan hooked up you forgot what you were going to do under there, but it will come to you eventually.
4) Geez, it's cold in here: Okay, so now you have no idea what you were going to do under the car, but you go under there anyway. Oh, yeah, change the oil.........while you're under there on the creeper waiting for that last drop to drip, you lay your head back for a minute. You wake up at 3AM because you had turned off the heat because you were only going to be in the garage for an hour.......who turned on the fan???
5) Generation Gap: Part II. Your Grandson is holding the light in your eyes instead of your Son.
6) Hat Hair?: But that requires both a hat and hair. You used to hate wearing a cap because it made your hair look funny when you took it off. Now you have to wear one because without it, your head gets more cuts, bruises, and scratches in the garage, and more sunburnt at an event because there is no protective layer of hair.
7) How's this work: Okay, your laying under the dash and you're looking up to change that instrument bulb. Got the big light under there because as we know yo can't see in the dark anymore.......but you still can't see....everything is fuzzy. Why? Cuz your bi-focals are working backwards when you're standing on your head.......
8) Projects you dislike get farmed out, or the 1-800 syndrome: Okay, you're buying more parts, contracting more stuff out. Hey, it only makes more sense because the other guy: A) Has the right equipment B) Has done a bunch of these before C) Has the time D) Needs the money E) The store bought stuff works better. "Hey, does anyone know where the remote is?"
9) Projects you like get farmed out, or the 1-800 syndrome: See number 8 above for all the reasons.
10) Scheduling Department: Okay, so you used to get out in the garage most every night after work, stay there till midnight and beyond. You didn't stand there for two hours trying to remember where you left off, you just dug in and got the job done. Now you spend three nights planning on a plug change in your coupe, which used to be a half hour job........time alloted today: Saturday, all of it.
11) Some things aren't as hot: So you have your favorite calendar from 1968 still on the wall. It was pretty steamy back then, little bikini clad beauties in front of tool boxes, leaning on cars, and generally doing nothing important. Yeah, when you hung that up it was so hot you didn't want the kids to see it. Well guess what? Those same pictures could now be used in the local church bulletin and not cause a stir anymore. What was once hot isn't anymore.
12) Parts, I need Parts: Okay, so you actually get out in the garage. Things are going well, because after all, you've been working on hot rods for a long time. You really do know what you are doing once you get started. You're very pleased with your progress. Sure enough, that '57 Pontiac rear end is torn down, ready for axle bearings.........down to the parts store to so, who else? Parts Man. "Whadda ya mean you don't have them is stock? A week? GEEZ. Doesn't anyone stock anything anymore. Well that "new " rear end you put in is now 50 years old...........er, okay, I'll wait a week.
13) I need old cars and parts: You don't excite easily anymore, but when a guy tells you about a couple of old cars sitting behind a barn, you head out looking for tin. Yeah, two '75 Granada's and a '93 Impala four door......them's old?
14) The dating game: Okay single guys, here is a car test for that lovely date of yours. If she thinks a '65 Mustang is an old car.......SHE"S TOO YOUNG!!!
15) Mr. CLean. At one time you would fight your way through the rubble to your latest project, and work through the mess, never even notice it. Gotta get the car done. I'll clean it up later, and in spite of the mess, you knew where everything was. Today you head out to the garage and spend so much time cleaning you don't need a project. When you are working, you tend to lose small things (like driveshafts, intake manifolds, and hydraulic jacks) so neatness counts. Unfortunately, your Son is where you used to be, so he works while you clean up........on of life's circles I guess. "Anyone seen my broom?"
I think the author wrote this article for me, but I bet a lot of us over 50 can relate.:LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
Whew !!! After all that typing, I'm going back to bed. lol
Don
