Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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[QUOTE]Originally posted by john gemmer
good training [/QUOTE

youer good.....

[QUOTE]Originally posted by lt1s10

Originally posted by john gemmer
good training [/QUOTE

youer good.....

Now don't go tellin anyone

ok now i know good thing i wasnt lookin to good

Originally posted by DennyW
Your pretty funny too! "Me want tobacco", Augg, Give John Whiskey now, palface, or me scalpem, hahaha Reminds me of the OLD westerns, hahaha

hey I don't want anyone to say I took life to serious some time It needs to be one big joke I was always told by me daddy to stop and smell the roses unless of course theres a bee on them or even worse I don't think I have to go their I think all our minds could imagine what that could be ----- get a long little doggy

Originally posted by TRUCKGUY
ok now i know good thing i wasnt lookin to good

I tried to warren you but no would you listen heck no now every one knows my secret profession how els did you think I could afford Mrs. clause and the new paint job on my truck

Originally posted by DennyW
You absolutely right John. I always try to smile, and joke around some. Makes life super. Who wants to go around being Grumpy all the time, hahaha. Don't answer that, I might get into trouble, hahaha

yes sir I know that to be true that was also one of my teaching growing up mama would always say ya better smile or a bird will come along and dodo on your lower lip yep sure did aren't ya glad elephants don't fly

Originally posted by DennyW
The only one I like to see is: DUMBO, hahaha. yes, I have that movie, hahaha. Grand kids love it. I like the crows, hahaha.

Oh yeah them the blues crows I like them there kool

How small is it?

It's so small that the mayor, the village idiot and the town drunk are the same person.

here are some more

Q.how does a blonde turn the light on after having sex?
A. by opening the car door

marrige is like taking a hot bath after you get used to it it isnt so hot

Q.why didnt the possum cross the road?
A. cause he got squased in the middle

Q. why did the chicken cross the road ?
A. to prove to the possum it could be done



i will think of some more later and post them

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit? Tame Way, Unique Up On It.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ? They Take The Psycho Path

4. How Do You Get Holy Water? You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall? Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long? Polaroid's

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work? A Stick

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? Nacho Cheese.

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers? Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand? Quattro Sinko..

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow? Spoiled Milk.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup? Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs? Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils? Because They Have Big Fingers.

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive? Because It Scares The Dog.

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic? Sanka.

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover? The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down? Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver? A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang! A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.

22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same? Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer





A visiting minister waxed eloquent during the offertory prayer. "Dear Lord," he began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without You, we are but dust. . . "


He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening!) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mom, what's butt dust?"

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches
straight up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter says, "Your
timing is excellent. We just got a job opening
from a very wealthy old man who wants a
chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter.
You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but
he'll supply all of your clothes.

Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.
You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips.
You will have to satisfy her sexual urges.
You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage.
The starting salary is $200,000 a year".

The guy says, "You're bullsh*ttin' me!"

The social worker says, "Yeah, well, you started it."

Originally posted by Oldf100fordman
A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches
straight up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter says, "Your
timing is excellent. We just got a job opening
from a very wealthy old man who wants a
chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter.
You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but
he'll supply all of your clothes.

Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.
You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips.
You will have to satisfy her sexual urges.
You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage.
The starting salary is $200,000 a year".

The guy says, "You're bullsh*ttin' me!"

The social worker says, "Yeah, well, you started it."

Hi, John, how you doing today?

Originally posted by Oldf100fordman
Hi, John, how you doing today?

Ow pretty good got all the baking done mama releved me from having to do the shopping thing so Im feeling great how are you

I am fine, just a touch of ol arthur rita$$.

Here's another one for you.

Subject: The Hardware Store
This is why you can't send a woman to a hardware
store....
Bubba was fixing a door and he found that he
needed a new hinge, so he > sent his wife Mary Lou to the hardware store. At
the hardware store
Mary Lou saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf
while she was waiting for
Joe Bob, the manager, to finish waiting on a
customer.
When Joe Bob was finished, Mary Lou asked how much for the teapot.
Joe Bob replied, "That's silver and it costs $100!"
"My goodness, that sure is a lotta money!" Mary Louise exclaimed. Then she proceeded
to describe the hinge that Bubba had sent her to buy, and Joe Bob went
to the back room to find it. From the back room
Joe Bob yelled, "Mary Lou, you wanna screw for that hinge?"
To which Mary Louise replied, " No, but I will for the teapot."