Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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An 83 year old man went to the doctor for a physical. The doctor pronounced him in fine shape but the old man asked to have a sperm count done.

"I don't think that's necessary," said the doctor, but the old man insisted so the doctor gave him an empty bottle and instructed him to fill it up and bring it back the following day.

The next day the old man returns with an empty bottle. "What happened?" asked the doctor. "Well", the old man said, "I tried with my right hand, I tried with my left hand, my wife tried with her right hand, she tried with her left hand, she tried with her teeth in, she tried with her teeth out...

We never could get the damn lid off the bottle!"

For real or not ?


Dear Abby:
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
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Dear Abby:
What can I do about all the sex, nudity, language and violence on my VCR?
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Dear Abby:
I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.
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Dear Abby:
I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boy friend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.
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Dear Abby:
I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again
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Dear Abby:
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
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Dear Abby:
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now, how do I get out?
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Dear Abby:
My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist ! $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.
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Dear Abby:
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.
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Dear Abby:
My mother is mean and short tempered. I think she is going through mental pause.
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Dear Abby:
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor! Now what do I do?
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Dear Abby:
Jim and I have been married a long time, why?

Originally posted by DennyW
Top Ten Things A Department Store Santa Doesn't Want To Hear From Kids

1. "Mom says you're my real daddy"

Hehehehehehehehehe, I wouldn't want to hear that either.

An old man goes in for his yearly physical with his wife tagging
along.

When the doctor enters the examination room he says, "I will need a
urine
sample,
a stool sample, and a sperm sample."

The old man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks, "What
did
he say?"

The wife yells back to him,

"GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERWEAR!." I know boooo

OOPs I think he forgot to do something

Originally posted by john gemmer
OOPs I think he forgot to do something

GGeeesshh ya think

i cant remember all of this one but here goes.

there was this little boy on his bike and he drove up beside this cop on a horse and the cop askes did santa get you that bike and the little boy says yes aand the cop gives him a ticket for not having a reflector on it and the little boy says did santa give you that horse and the cop laufs and says yes and the little boy says well you need to tell him that the dick goes on the bottom and not on top

Harold is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after dinner,
Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the Center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life. One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden.
They begin to chat, and before they know it, several hours have passed.
After a short lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks, Do you know what I miss most of all?" She asks,
"What?" "SEX!!" he replies.
Mildred exclaims, "Why you old fart, you couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!"
"I know," Harold says, "but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while."
"Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it.
Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold's manhood.
Then, one night, Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O. K.
She walked around the senior citizen home where she found him sitting by the pool with another female resident, Ethel, who was holding Harold's manhood!
Furious, Mildred yelled, "You two-timing creep! What does Ethel have that I don't have?"
Old Harold smiled happily and replied, ......... "Parkinson's."I know !I know! you sick puppy

HAHAhahahaha like the last one alot

I'm Down At The Bottom Of My Barrel Well One's I Can Post That Is I Need To Get More Material Well I Do Have One Left ------------------------------------------------------------Do You Know What Animal Has The Short 'is Sex Life -------------- Frog Jump On Then Jumps Off Then Crocks

3-Kick RULE

A lawyer went duck hunting in rural Nebraska. He shot and dropped a
bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and
now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I'm one of the best trial attorneys in
Nebraska and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in these parts of Nebraska. We settle small disagreements like this with the Husker Three Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What's that?"

The farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, First I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on Back and forth until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local
custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth.

The barrister was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his
rear end sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet.
Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old coot. Now it's my turn."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."

Originally posted by Oldf100fordman
3-Kick RULE

A lawyer went duck hunting in rural Nebraska. He shot and dropped a
bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and
now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I'm one of the best trial attorneys in
Nebraska and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in these parts of Nebraska. We settle small disagreements like this with the Husker Three Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What's that?"

The farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, First I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on Back and forth until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local
custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth.

The barrister was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his
rear end sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet.
Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old coot. Now it's my turn."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."

I like it dang lawyer anyhow

good one

Teaching Math In 1950

************************ A logger sells a truckload
of lumber for $100.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is
his profit?


Teaching Math In 1960

************************ A logger sells a truckload
of lumber for $100.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80.
What is his profit?


Teaching Math In 1970

************************ A logger sells a truckload
of lumber for $100.
His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

Teaching Math In 1980

*********************** A logger sells a truckload
of lumber for $100.
His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20.
Your assignment:
Underline the number 20.

Teaching Math In 1990

************************ By cutting down beautiful
forest trees, the
logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of
making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the
question: How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down the
trees. (There are no wrong answers.)


Teaching Math In 2005

************************
El hachero vende un camion carga por $100. La cuesta
de production es