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john gemmer 
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12-19-2004 02:06 PM #1
CHR Member
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- Car Year, Make, Model: 72 Chevy pickup/67 International pickup
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Here are some more
A visiting minister waxed eloquent during the offertory prayer. "Dear Lord," he began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without You, we are but dust. . . "
He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening!) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mom, what's butt dust?"
1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.
2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It.
3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ?
They Take The Psycho Path
4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.
5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!
6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroid's
7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick
8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.
9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko..
11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.
12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
a frost bite
When the power mower broke and wouldn't run, I kept hinting to my husband that he ought to get it fixed, but somehow the message never sank in. Finally I thought of a clever way to make my point. When my husband arrived home that day, he found me seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. He watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. He was gone only a few moments when he came out again. He handed me a toothbrush. "When you finish cutting the grass," he said, "you might as well sweep the sidewalks." The doctors say he will probably live, but it will be quite awhile before the casts come off.Dan
Home page http://www.danstrucks.4t.com
dont have anything good to say/(type) dont say/(type) NOTHING AT ALL..........(figure out the rest)....
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12-19-2004 02:17 PM #2
CHR Member
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- somewhere
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- 729
Re: Here are some more
No Doubt I Think If I Were To Do Something Like That I Would Be Singing Soprano And Would Have To Go To The Doctors To Get My Balls Out Of My ThroatOriginally posted by TRUCKGUY
A visiting minister waxed eloquent during the offertory prayer. "Dear Lord," he began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without You, we are but dust. . . "
He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening!) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mom, what's butt dust?"
1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.
2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It.
3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ?
They Take The Psycho Path
4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.
5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!
6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroid's
7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick
8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.
9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko..
11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.
12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
a frost bite
When the power mower broke and wouldn't run, I kept hinting to my husband that he ought to get it fixed, but somehow the message never sank in. Finally I thought of a clever way to make my point. When my husband arrived home that day, he found me seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. He watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. He was gone only a few moments when he came out again. He handed me a toothbrush. "When you finish cutting the grass," he said, "you might as well sweep the sidewalks." The doctors say he will probably live, but it will be quite awhile before the casts come off.drive it like ya stole it
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12-19-2004 02:22 PM #3
CHR Member
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Dan
Home page http://www.danstrucks.4t.com
dont have anything good to say/(type) dont say/(type) NOTHING AT ALL..........(figure out the rest)....
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12-19-2004 05:17 PM #4
CHR Member
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didnt want to open a new thread so here
> >Texas Survivor Show
>
> >
>
> >Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, Texas is planning to do
>
> >one entitled, "Survivor-Texas Style."
>
> >
>
> >The contestants will all start in Dallas, then drive to Waco, Austin
>
> >, San Antonio, over to Houston and down to Brownsville.
>
> >
>
> >They will then proceed up to Del Rio, El Paso, Midland, Odessa, Lubbock
>
> >and Amarillo.
>
> >
>
> > >From there they will go on to Abilene, Fort Worth and finally back to
>
> >Dallas.
>
> >
>
> >Each will be driving a pink Volvo with bumper stickers that read:
>
> >
>
> >"I'm gay &want to get married, I love the Dixie Chicks, Boycott Beef, I
>
> >voted for Al Gore, George Strait Sucks, Kerry in '04, Hillary in 08, and
>
> >I'm here to confiscate your guns."
>
> >
>
> >The first one who makes it back to Dallas alive wins.
Dan
Home page http://www.danstrucks.4t.com
dont have anything good to say/(type) dont say/(type) NOTHING AT ALL..........(figure out the rest)....
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12-19-2004 05:21 PM #5
CHR Member
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here is another
Redneck Love poem
Collards is green,
My dog's name is Blue
And I'm so lucky
To have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like cornsilk
A-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue's
And without all them fleas.
You move like the bass,
Which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
But I luv you anyway.
Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
Jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
Right out of the can.
You have some'a yore teeth,
For which I am proud;
I hold my head high
When we're in a crowd.
On special occasions,
When you shave under yore arms,
Well, I'm in hawg heaven,
And awed by yore charms.
Still them fellers at work,
They all want to know,
What I did to deserve
Such a purdy, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape
Yo're there fer yore man,
To patch up life's troubles
And fix what you can.
Yo're as cute as a junebug
A-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those far ants
I found in my bed.
Cut from the best cloth
Like a plaid flannel shirt,
You spark up my life
More than a fresh load of dirt.
When you hold me real tight
Like a padded gunrack,
My life is complete;
Ain't nuttin' I lack.
Yore complexion, it's perfection,
Like the best vinyl sidin'.
Despite all the years,
Yore age, it keeps hidin'.
Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
With a RC cold drank,
We go together
Like a skunk goes with stank.
Some men, they buy chocolate
For Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
It's romantic that way.
Some men git roses
On that special day
From the cooler at Kroger.
That's impressive," I say.
Some men buy fine diamonds
From a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever,"
They explain, suave and couth.
But for this man, honey,
These won't do.
Cause yore too special,
You sweet thang you.
I got you a gift,
Without taste nor odor,
More useful than diamonds......
IT'S A NEW TROLL'N MOTOR!!Dan
Home page http://www.danstrucks.4t.com
dont have anything good to say/(type) dont say/(type) NOTHING AT ALL..........(figure out the rest)....
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12-19-2004 07:31 PM #6
CHR Member
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Here Little Doggy Here Little Doggy Hey Ya Seen My little doggy Hes A Spotted Little Doggy With A Chip On His Shoulder
drive it like ya stole it
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12-19-2004 09:35 PM #7
CHR Member
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- Sep 2003
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- Car Year, Make, Model: 1996 Aurora Autobahn edition
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All I want for christmas is All The Money That We Spent On Gas In The US This Year
Right engine, Wrong Wheels 
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12-20-2004 01:37 AM #8
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A frog approaches the teller in a bank. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
(you're gonna love this)
(its a real treat)
(a masterpiece)
(wait for it)
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack.
Give the frog a loan.
His old man's a Rolling Stone."
You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I knew you would lol
).
drive it like ya stole it
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12-21-2004 05:40 PM #9
CHR Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2004
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- Middleboro
- Car Year, Make, Model: 1960 Belair - 707
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I hope this is a first post.
A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his drinking buddies late one night. When they staggered into the bedroom,
they saw a big brass gong next to the bed.
"What's a big brass gong doing in your bedroom?" one of the guests
asked.
"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.
"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.
"Yup," replied the drunk.
"How's it work?" the bleary-eyed friend asked, squinting at it.
"Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave it an
ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment.
Suddenly someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You asshole it's three o'clock in the morning!Mike Casella
www.1960Belair.com
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12-21-2004 06:52 PM #10
CHR Member
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Re: I hope this is a first post.
Originally posted by pro60chevy
The three stood looking at one another for a moment.
Suddenly someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You asshole it's three o'clock in the morning!
hey Denny i'm glad i'm not him to
Dan
Home page http://www.danstrucks.4t.com
dont have anything good to say/(type) dont say/(type) NOTHING AT ALL..........(figure out the rest)....
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12-21-2004 08:36 PM #11
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."Whad'ya want for nuth'N, ..............aaa,rrrrrubber biscuit... ?"
"bad spellers of the word untie ! "
If your wondering how I'm doing I'm > " I'm still pick'N up the shinny stuff and passing open windows "
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12-23-2004 04:13 AM #12
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- May 2004
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he he hedrive it like ya stole it
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12-23-2004 09:07 AM #13
CHR Member
- Join Date
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Ooo that smelll
drive it like ya stole it
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12-24-2004 01:28 PM #14
CHR Member
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The Catholic Dog
> The Catholic Dog
>
> Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for
> company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and
> asked, "Father, me dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor
> creature?"
> Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an
> animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's
> no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do
> something for the creature."
> Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough
to
> donate to them for the service?"
> Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Moth! er of Jesus! Why didn`tya
tell
> me the dog was Catholic? "
drive it like ya stole it
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12-24-2004 01:56 PM #15
CHR Member
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- Car Year, Make, Model: 55 Ford F100 w/390,
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Subject: Men Are Like.......
Men are like .Laxatives ........ They irritate the
crap out of you.
Men are like ......... Bananas ........ The older
they get, the less firm they are.
Men are like . Weather ........ Nothing can be done
to change them.
Men are like ......... Blenders ........ You need
One, but you're not quite sure why.
Men are like . Chocolate Bars ....... Sweet, smooth,
& they usually head right for your hips.
Men are like . Commercials ....... You can't believe
a word they say.
Men are like . Department Stores ....... Their
clothes are always 1/2 off.
Men are like ......... Government Bonds ....... They
take soooooooo long to mature.
Men are like . Mascara ........ They usually run at
the first sign of emotion.
Men are like Popcorn .. They satisfy you, but only
for a little while.
Men are like .. ... Snowstorms ....... You never
know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get
or how long it will last.
Men are like ......... Lava Lamps .... Fun to look
at, but not very bright.
Men are like ........ Parking Spots ........ All the
good ones are taken, the rest are handicappedDuane S
____________________________________
On a quiet night you can hear a Chevy rust
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RIP Mike....prayers to those you left behind. .
We Lost a Good One