Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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King Kong has breast? I noticed.

Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during
a recent lovemaking session,
"How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?"
She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"

Do you remember the famous U.S. Olympic skier named Picabo Street (pronounced Pee-Ka-Boo) Well, Picabo is not just an athlete. She is now a nurse currently working at an Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital. However, she is not permitted to answer the hospital telephones any longer. It caused too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say, "Picabo, I.C.U."

Hey, a good clean joke is hard to find these days!

(Admit it ... you're smiling)

I was in a pub on Saturday night. Had a few pints and I noticed two very large women by the bar. They both had strong accents so I asked, "Good evening! Are you two ladies from Scotland?"

One of them shrieked: "It's WALES you stupid, dimwitted idiot!"

So, I immediately apologized and said, "Sorry!! Are you two WHALES from Scotland?"

Proposed new Charlotte stadium with retractable roof.
Just in time for the Democratic National Convention
and Obama's speech.

Wife - "Where the heck have you been? You said you'd be done with golf by
noon!"

Husband - "I'm so sorry Honey...but you probably don't want to hear the
reason."

Wife - I want the truth, and I want it NOW!'

Husband - "Fine. We finished in under 4 hours, quick beer in the clubhouse, I hopped in the car, and would have been here at 12 on the button.
On the way home, I spotted a girl half our age struggling with a flat tire. I changed it in a jiffy, and next she's offering me money. Of course I refused it .

Then she tells me she was headed to the bar at the Sheraton - and begs me to stop so she can buy me a beer.
She's such a sweetie, I said yes.Before you know it - one beer turned to three or four, and I guess we were looking pretty good to each other.

Then she tells me she has a room at the Sheraton less than 50 steps from our table. She suggested we get some privacy while pulling me by the hand. Now I'm in her room....clothes are flying ......the talking stopped....and we proceeded to have sex in every way imaginable. It
must have gone on for hours, because before I know it the clock says
5:30. I jumped up, threw my clothes on, ran to the car, and here I am.

There, You wanted the truth....you got it."

Wife - "B-S. You played 36 holes, didn't you!"

Anthropomorphic Nouns


I thought this might be boring, but stick with it. You'll love the ending.
We are all familiar with a

Herd of cows,

A Flock of chickens,

A School of fish

And a Gaggle of geese.
However, less widely known is:

A Pride of lions,

A Murder of crows

(as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens),

An Exaltation of doves
And, presumably because they look so wise:

A Parliament of owls.

Now consider a group of Baboons.
Baboons are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all primates.

And what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons?

Believe it or not... A Congress!
(Note: I hadn't heard that before, so I looked it up. It is correct)

A CONGRESS OF BABOONS!
That pretty much explains the things that come out of Washington !
You just can’t make this stuff up.

LAWS WHICH YOU WILL RECOGNIZE



1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2.Law of Gravity- Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3.Law of Probability- The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4.Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

6. Variation Law-If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7.Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8.Law of Close Encounters- The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with ...Or you are wearing something you don't want to be seen in!

9.Law of the Result- When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10.Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11.Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12.The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13.Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in an entire locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14.Law of Physical Surfaces- The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15.Law of Logical Argument- Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16.Brown's Law of Physical Appearance- If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17.Oliver's Law of Public Speaking- A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18.Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy-As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19.Doctors' Law- If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

easy Parking?
http://www.youtube.com/embed/IQfZY5rvXX0

Something to mess with, space cadet.

selfcontrolfreak

mouse around.....................

Q what is brown and wrinkled in the bell tower?

A the lunchbag of notre dame





nyuk nyuk

I mean, seriously wouldn't you just keep drinking?

Originally Posted by pepi

I mean, seriously wouldn't you just keep drinking?

Yup...................

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