Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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Yeah,

That's what got me started. Luckily I found a few who didn't mind the taste of liquor.

Jack.

I like these gals better!

I saw her standing there and I told her she had three beautiful children.

My mistake.

She didn't have to get mad and threaten me. It was an honest mistake....

LMAO - - - funny one Pepi - - - - speaking of Babes,
I'm thinking of using this as my siggy what do Y'all think ?
Jim Owens Entertainment Fat Lady With Cymbals - YouTube

Originally Posted by stovens

Anthropomorphic Nouns


I thought this might be boring, but stick with it. You'll love the ending.
We are all familiar with a

Herd of cows,

A Flock of chickens,

A School of fish

And a Gaggle of geese.
However, less widely known is:

A Pride of lions,

A Murder of crows

(as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens),

An Exaltation of doves
And, presumably because they look so wise:

A Parliament of owls.

Now consider a group of Baboons.
Baboons are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all primates.

And what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons?

Believe it or not... A Congress!
(Note: I hadn't heard that before, so I looked it up. It is correct)

A CONGRESS OF BABOONS!
That pretty much explains the things that come out of Washington !
You just can’t make this stuff up.

You missed one out...when bankers are gathered together it's called a wunch of bankers.

.

This is for smart women who need a laugh and men who can handle it (there is truth in jest):

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend
A successful woman is one who can find such a man

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals

A police officer is on horseback patroling his area after christmas when he sees a little girl riding a bike without any refelctors. The officer stops the girl and asks her if Santa gave her the bike for christmas. The girl says yes. The officer hands the little girl a ticket and says to her "tell santa the bike needs reflectors". The officer gets back on his horse and the little girl asks the officer "did santa bring you that horse for christmas? The officer says yes he did." The little girl says tell santa the dick goes under the horse"!

Apologies are so sweet and they're not that difficult to do either !
Case in Point:
Hi Sweetheart,
I am sorry about getting into an argument about putting up the Christmas lights.
I guess that sometimes I feel like you are pushing me too hard when you want something.
I realize that I was wrong and I am apologizing for being such a hard-headed guy.
All I want is for you to be happy and be able to enjoy the holiday season.
Nothing brightens the Christmas spirit like Christmas lights!
I took the time to hang the lights for you today;
I am going to the golf course for a round.
Again, I am very sorry for the way I acted yesterday.
I'll be home later.
Love you,
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Hi Honey,
Thank you for that heart-felt apology.
I don't often get an apology from you, and I truly appreciate it.
I, too, felt bad about the argument and wanted to apologize.
I realize that I can sometimes be a little pushy.
I will try to respect your feelings from now on.
Thank you for taking the time to hang the Christmas lights for me.
It really means a lot.
In the spirit of giving, I washed your truck for you;
and now I am off to the mall.
I love you too!
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New Element Discovered


The densest element yet known to science has been discovered. The new element has been named "Obamacronium."


Obamacronium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, 224 assistant deputy neutrons, and 599 czar-aniums giving it an atomic mass of 911.


These particles are held together by dark forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.


The symbol for Obamacronium in the Periodic Table of elements is "Ob."


Obamacronium's mass actually increases over time, as these morons randomly interact with various elements in the atmosphere and become coagulants of neutrons/czar-aniums in a Obamacronium molecule, forming a large cluster of idiotopes.


This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Obamacronium is formed whenever morons reach a critical mass also known as "Critical Morass."


When catalyzed with money and uber-arrogance, Obamacronium activates CNNnewsium, an element radiating several orders of magnitude more energy, mostly as incoherent noise, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

=

one to share with the grandkids


Why were the little strawberries crying?

They heard their Mom was in a jam.

This one's for Robin !



-

Originally Posted by MelloYello

This one's for Robin !



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Oh,yeah.....the big dude in the middle looks like my ol meat grinder..hehe..The mouth piece..Thanx Emm..

This is tough to watch. It just shows the dangers of attending these events.

The pilot at low level had no control over his aircraft.
It narrowly misses a crowd gathered for the air show and slams into four buildings.
One can only imagine the horror of the occupants inside those buildings.



No one was killed, but it probably scared the shit out of them!