Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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Yes,Resto,,, And a cat that inhaled gas,produced acetylene kittens..

A Jamaican proctologist....Pokemon...

And innuendo is an Italian insult....

I thought innuendo was a sexual position.

You are both wrong, innuendo is a Italian suppository.

Jack.

It Doesn’t Matter What Party You Belong To - This Is Hilarious.

From A Show On Canadian TV, There Was A Black Comedian Who Said He Misses Bill Clinton.

"Yep, That's Right - I Miss Bill Clinton! He Was The Closest Thing We Ever Got To Having A Real Black Man As President.

Number 1 - He Played The Sax.

Number 2 - He Smoked Weed.

Number 3 - He Had His Way With Ugly White Women.

Even Now? Look At Him... His Wife Works, And He Doesn't! And, He Gets A Check From The Government Every Month.

Manufacturers Announced Today That They Will Be Stocking America's Shelves This Week With "Clinton Soup," In Honor Of One Of The Nations' Distinguished Men. It Consists Primarily Of A Weenie In Hot Water.

Chrysler Corporation Is Adding A New Car To Its Line To Honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Drafter Will Be Built In Canada.

When Asked What He Thought About Foreign Affairs, Clinton Replied, "I Don't Know, I Never Had One."

The Clinton Revised Judicial Oath: "I Solemnly Swear To Tell The Truth As I Know It, The Whole Truth As I Believe It To Be, And Nothing But What I Think You Need To Know."

Clinton Will Be Recorded In History As “The Only President To Do Hanky Panky Between The Bushes.”

Ya Gotta Love Him!

A is for apple, and B is for boat,That used to be right, but now it won't float!Age before beauty is what we once said,But let's be a bit more realistic instead.



NowThe New Alphabet:
A's for arthritis;B's the bad back,C's the chest pains,perhaps car-di-ac?
D is for dental decay and decline,E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!F is for farting and fluid retention,G is for gut droop, which I'd rather not mention.

H high blood pressure--I'd rather it low;I for incisions with scars you can show.J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,K is for knees that crack when they bend. L 's for libido, what happened to sex?Mis for memory, I forget what comes next.N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;O is for osteo, bones that don't grow!

P for prescriptions, I have quite a few,just give me a pill and I'll be good as new!Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu? R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.

S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,T is for Tinnitus; bells in my ears!U is for urinary; troubles with flow;V for vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know..

W for worry, now what's going 'round?X is for X ray, and what might be found.Y for another year I'm left here behind, Z is for zest I still have-- in my mind!


I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed, And I'm keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!

HAVE A GREAT DAY!

.

Male Logic
This is a story which is perfectly logical to all males:

A wife asks her husband,
"Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk,
and if they have avocados, get 6."
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had avocados."

And the problem is?? Makes perfect sense to me..

Quote of the Day

"Wives, your husband will do the things that he said he would
do so you don't have to keep reminding him every 6 months!"





=

The Goldberg Brothers - The Inventors of the Automobile Air Conditioner

Here's a little fact for automotive buffs or just to dazzle your friends. The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees. The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.

Henry was curious and invited them into his office, but they refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car. They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, started the car, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately. The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.

The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner', on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed. Now old man Ford not about to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.....

They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million, and that just their nicknames would be shown on the dashboard.
And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show --
Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max on the AC controls.

Old men and their convertibles - turn up the volume. This is a hoot!

Epic Old Man - Picking Up Young Ladies - YouTube

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door.
He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.
So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.


"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push??"

"No, get lost. It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you.

Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost??"

"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.

"It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the right thing to help him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed and goes downstairs.

He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push??"

And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."

So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?"

And the stranger replies, "I'm over here, on your swing."

I don't write'm I just paste'm OK?

I had a dream the other night.
I was in the old West riding in a stagecoach.
Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulls up to the
left side of the stagecoach, and a rider-less horse
pulls up on the right. The man leans down,
pulls open the door, and jumps off his horse
into the stagecoach. Then he opens the door
on the other side and jumps onto the other horse.
Just before he rode off, I yelled out,
"What was all that about?"
He replied,
"Nothing. It's just a stage I'm going through."

The Soccer Stars

A teacher at a school for blind kids is taking his school's soccer team to an "away game".

They stop for a rest break, and to let the kids work off some energy with a little impromptu practice in a nearby pasture.

The teacher is sitting in a nearby diner, explaining to another patron how it is that blind kids can play soccer.

"We made a special ball, with a bell in it, so the kids can keep track of where the ball is and what it's doing by listening for it. They're pretty good at it too."

"Very clever!" remarks the other patron.

Just then they are interrupted as another patron, who is looking out the window, says, "Hey! Are you the guy with those damn blind kids from the bus?"

"Yes," says the teacher, stung by the way "his" kids are being referred to, "what about it? You got something against blind kids?"

"Nothing, ordinarily," says the guy, still scowling out the window, "but you better get them rounded up quick! They're kicking the hell out of my best milk cow!"

Guy walks into a bar and see's a horse in the corner and a jar on the table with cash in it. The man ask's the bartender "What's this?" and he replies "It's a game. If you can make the horse laugh you win the cash." The guy orders a beer, sits at the bar, and observes for awhile. Meanwhile, man after man fail at making the horse laugh. He finaly gets up, puts his $1 in the jar and whispers in the horses ear. The horse erupts with laughter while the bartender stands in amazement. The man finishes his beer, grabs the jar and starts to leave. The bartender stops him and say's "If you can make 'em cry I'll double the $$." The man thinks for a minute and gladly accepts. He walks over to the horse, again he whispers in the horses ear, the horse looks down and this time it breaks down sobbing uncontrolably. The man grabs the jar and starts to walk out but the bartender stops him."Hey mister, what did ya say to that there horse"?? The man replied "The first time I told him my 'Johnson' was bigger than his'. "And the second time?' asked the bartender. "I showed it to him"!

Two indians are out in the plains hunting
Chief indian puts his ear to the ground and says to the other "buffalo come"
The other indian says how do you know?
Chief indian replies " ear sticky"