Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

Tweet

THE TINY CABIN

A social worker from a big city in Massachusetts recently transferred to the mountains of West Virginia and was on the first tour of her new territory when she came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen in her life. Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door.

"Anybody home?" she asked.

"Yep," came a kid's voice through the door.

"Is your father there?" asked the social worker.

"Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in," said the kid.

"Well, is your mother there?" persisted the social worker.

"Ma? Nope, she left just afore I got here," said the kid.

"But," protested the social worker, (thinking that surely she will need to intervene in this situation) "are you never together as a family?"

"Sure, but not here," said the kid through the door. "This is the outhouse!"

For those of us who watch what we eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to finally know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.

1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. Mexicans eat alot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. Africans drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. Germans drink alot of beer and eat lots of sausage and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink whatever you like. Speaking English is apprently what kills you.

Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Southerner?

Here is a little test that will help you decide.

The answer can be found by posing the following question:
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
Suddenly, a Terrorist with a huge knife
comes around the corner,
locks eyes with you,
screams obscenities,
raises the knife, and charges at you.
You are carrying a
Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

THINK CAREFULLY AND THEN SCROLL DOWN:


Democrat's Answer:

·Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!· What is a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP?· Does the man look poor or oppressed?· Is he really a terrorist? Am I guilty of profiling?·Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?· Could we run away?·What does my wife think?· What about the kids?· Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife outof his hand?· What does the law say about this situation?· Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?· Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?· Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?· Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?· If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?· Should I call 9-1-1?· Why is this street so deserted?· We need to raise taxes, have paint & weed day.· Can we make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.· I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.· This is all so confusing!.



Republican's Answer:



BANG!





Southerner's Answer:


BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

BANG ! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Click. (Sounds of reloading)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

BANG!

BANG!

BANG!

Click


Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy!'

'Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?!

Son: Can I shoot the next one?!

Wife: You are NOT taking that to a Taxidermist!

I got the perfect knife for a situation like that---got a 9 3/4(10inch?) blade and its attached to the pointy end of an M1Garand

Pepi,,we have the exact story,(albeit,the Southerners last two lines) on the police station wall,here in Inglewood,,in stead of Demo,Republican,and Southerner,it's NZ police,Aussie police,and US police.. How true...

"Have you ever seen a twenty dollar bill all crumpled up?" asked the wife.
"No," replied her husband.
She gave him a sexy little smile, slowly reached into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled twenty dollar bill.
"Have you ever seen a fifty all crumpled up?" she asked.
"Uh, no," he said.
She gave him another sexy little smile, seductively reached into her panties and pulled out a crumpled fifty dollar bill.
"Now," she said, "Have you ever seen 60,000 dollars all crumpled up?"
"No," he said, now really intrigued.
"Well, go look in the garage..."

Got a ticket the other day could not figure out why


untitled.pnghillarious.jpg

The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University ..

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake.



The average person over 45 years of age cannot do it!

1.This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6.. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is fart cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.

Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down.
I bet you cannot resist passing it on..

.

Sending in your Taxes be advised
irs.jpg

No Blonde Jokes Please !
Y! SPORTS

Hoot Hoot!

Jeff Gordon Test Drives a Camaro
Pepsi MAX & Jeff Gordon Present: "Test Drive" - YouTube

Here's an old commercial from the 60's
The salesman was pissed at his boss, the owner, and they shot this live!!
Enjoy!!

LiveCommercialFromThe60s_zps91862001.mp4 Video by Mudduck3 | Photobucket

LiveCommercialFromThe60s_zps91862001.mp4 Video by Mudduck3 | Photobucket