Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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Yeah, old Scrooge is a ulcer candidate for sure - - - - even "I" wouldn't scream at a Piano hahahahahaha - - - but he made us smile and didn't even know it !

Very cleaver

Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your
captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to New York.

The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight. So, sit back, relax, and.........OH... MY GOD!"

Silence followed.

Some moments later, the captain came back on the intercom. "Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

From the back of the plane, an Irish passenger yelled.......

."For the luvva Jaysus......you should see the back of mine!"

A clipping from a local paper in the UK....
Parking Lot Mechanic.jpg

Roger that one gave me a good chuckle!

YEP! That was a good one!

Yes indeedy, Roger, an oldie but always a goodie.

Here's one for the season, sort of:

__________________________________________

One night a Viking named Rudolph the Red was looking out the window when he said, “It’s going to rain.”

His wife asked, “How do you know?”

“Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”

Originally Posted by Rrumbler

“Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”

Grrrrroaaaaaaannnnnnn....
I passed that one on to my daughter, to spring on her two older boys.

Eat your heart out Jean Claude van Damme !
Chuckie's Back !

Chuck Norris Just Put Van Damme's Epic Volvo Ad Completely to Shame | Independent Journal Review

One day a fourth grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living.
All the typical answers came up... fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman... and so forth.
However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off his clothes to music in front of other men who put money in his underwear.
The teacher, obviously shaken by what she 'd heard, quickly set the the other children to work on some exercises. She took Justin aside and asked him, "Is that really true about your father?"
"No," the boy said, "He plays football for the Oakland Raiders, but that's too embarrassing to say in front of the other kids."

On a bitterly cold winter morning a husband and wife were listening to the radio during breakfast.
They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snow ploughs can get through."

So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snow ploughs can get through."

The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park....." Then the electricity went out.


The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snow ploughs can get through?"

Then with the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave the car in the garage this time."

--------I didn't see it coming either!

Those Amazing and Cute Animals !

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVL1...e_gdata_player

Last night I gradually woke up stiff as a plank in the hospital ICU.There were tubes up my nose and down my throat, and machines monitoring my every function.
I had a horrible pain in my head over my left ear, but I managed to hear the gorgeous nurse hovering over me tell me that I had been in a serious accident.
She looked at me deep and steady and I heard her slowly say "You may not feel anything from the waist down, Sir".
I managed to mumble in reply ,well .. " Can I feel your tits, then?"

Norwegian husband, Olef, sent a text message to his wife one night that read:
“Lena, I’m having 1 more beer with Sven.”
“If I’m not home in 1 hour .... read this message again.”
Olef