Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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Some of us (Ryan? R2?) are in trouble...
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"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Capelli?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"

"Please, Father! I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"

"Four months vacation and five good leads..."

Originally Posted by rspears

Some of us (Ryan? R2?) are in trouble...
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OOoo Boy.. I'm in trouble too! But not as bad as those other 2 slackers! HAHAHAHAHA...

A banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty-year-old rancher, in town. Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumour had it that he was marrying a “mail-order” bride. Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumour was true. Tom assured him that it was.

The banker then asked Tom the age of his new bride to be. Tom proudly said,

“She’ll be twenty-one in November.”

Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty-year-old man. Wanting his old friend’s remaining years to be happy the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take its own course.

Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon.

About four months later, the banker ran into Tom in town again.

“How’s the new wife?”, asked the banker.

Tom proudly said, “Good – she’s pregnant.”

The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued,

“And how’s the hired hand?”

Without hesitating, Tom said,

“She’s pregnant too.”

Don’t ever underestimate us old Geezers.

She offered her honour.
He honoured her offer.
And all night long it was honour and offer.

Originally Posted by johnboy

She offered her honour.
He honoured her offer.
And all night long it was honour and offer.

That is rude, crude and ill mannered, but I LOVE it

Picture worth a thousand words

A British engineer has just started his own business in Afghanistan making landmines that look like prayer mats.

He says that prophets are going through the roof.

A Mexican, an Arab, and an Arizona girl are in the same bar.
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says, 'In Mexico, our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'
The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks non-alcohol beer (he's a Muslim!), throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glass that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice either.'
The Arizona girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp.
She then throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab.
Catching her glass, and setting it on the bar, while calling for a refill, she says, 'In Arizona , we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'
God Bless Arizona

New Zealand is now under another Covid lockdown. These lockdowns are getting annoying and quite frankly I’ve had enough.
I’ve discussed the matter over a cup of tea with the kitchen sink, and we both agree that the experience is draining.
I didn’t mention anything to the washing machine as she puts the wrong spin on everything.
Same with the fridge. He only gives me the cold shoulder.
I asked the lamp, but she couldn’t shed any new light on the situation.
The vacuum cleaner was rather rude and told me to suck it up Princess. The threshold was no better, it suggested I get over it.
The carpet advised me to sweep my feelings under the rug. But the fan was more upbeat and thought that the crisis would soon blow over.
The toilet looked a bit flushed and didn’t offer an opinion.
The wall didn’t say a word either, just gave me a blank stare.
The doorknob was more forthcoming - told me to get a firm grip on the situation and move on.
The front door declared I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to.....you guessed it right - pull myself together.
Then the chair told me to table it, and the table remarked, I didn’t have a leg to stand on. When I told the table to break a leg, the mirror said that my comments reflected poorly on my thinking .
However, in the end, the iron set things straight . She said everything will be fine .
No situation is too pressing for long anyway.

Always the wordsmith JB.. like you covid keeps us in its grasp and now at the moment we're awaiting Hurricane Henri to completely engulf us.. almost 30 years ago to the week Hurricane Bob ran us over and it's been a good bit of years since. I've got nowhere to go, raining and the wind is starting to pickup... so we'll hunker down -same as Gods own - and say a lil prayer that all will be well. Miss you and SWMBO, hope you are both well on the New Selection.

The local law enforcement guys & gals all have stories to tell about the Little Princesses....

Speeder.jpg

Sure cure for whatever is geting you down...

Anyone relate with this?? just sayin....

Originally Posted by glennsexton

Anyone relate with this?? just sayin....

I believe I have heard and lived through all of those responses at least one time for each!