Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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DejaVu all over again.....
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Gas Cans.jpg
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Edit - I figure you only want to do the sugar water thing if you have a locking gas cap or anyone that gets burned will be back and fill your tank for you.....

Sex after 60 is like playing Pool with a rope

Originally Posted by rspears

DejaVu all over again.....
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Attachment 74381

You have a twisted mind.

I like it.

Please forgive me if I’ve posted this before. The ost above from TOW’D brought this story to mind. It is a true story and not only quite telling, but very funny.

Years ago Joanie and I attended a church in Oregon where the youth pastor was from Canada. He related an incident that had taken place at his previous church. When the high school seniors were getting ready to graduate, the pastor assembled a panel of experts from the congregation – a senior VP from a bank, the owner of a local lumber yard/hardware store, a medical doctor, a college professor and several others to include the senior elder of the church (a gentleman named Vernon Wilson). For several weeks, the pastor asked the high schoolers to submit written questions that would be fielded by this panel of experts during a banquet that was to be held in the senior’s honor.

The appointed day came and the seniors along with hundreds of members of the congregation assembled for the celebration. As the meals were cleared, the pastor assembled the panel on the stage and then drew questions from a large glass bowl. It went something like this:

“My grandparents gave me a $1,000 check for graduation. What should I do with this money?” The question was fielded by the VP from the bank with several options for investments.

Another question was read, “I don’t think I am college material – I’d like to work someplace where I can actually learn a trade. What are my options?” The business owner suggested the young man come by his establishment and he could get him started in learning the lumber/hardware business.

Several more questions were fielded and answers/suggestions were rendered. All was going according to plan until the pastor drew the following question:

“At what age do people stop having sex?”

A collective inhale sound was followed by total silence as the very conservative congregation waited for the pastor to dismiss this question. Instead Vernon stood to his feet and replied,

“I think I can address this one.” He re-read the question, “At what age do people stop having sex?... Hmmm, well I don’t rightly know, but I can tell you it’s sometime after 70.”

The place erupted with clapping and cheers as Vernon sat down with a big smile on his face.

Up until that evening, all of the high school boys had revered Vernon and always addressed him as “Mr. Wilson.” In the ensuing days, the high school boys were seen giving Mr. Wilson high-fives and asking,

“Yo Vernon – how’s Mrs. Wilson!” – Which elicited great peals of laughter from all parties followed by great times of discussion among Vernon and the boys. He became an icon and a hero to those kids.

Could someone please tell me what is the lowest rank in the army?

Every time I ask anyone they won't tell me because it's private.

nobody is more private than a general
nobody is more general than a private

How come you Americans call them escalators when we call them lifts?

I guess it's just how we were brought up.

I got a job at a factory that manufactures bicycle wheels.

I'm the spokesman.

I just spent $100 on a belt that's too small for me.

What a waste.

I found a coin on the pavement the other day. It had teeth marks all over it.

I think it's a bit coin.

Bit Coin...... ARRRRGH!

Karl Marx was a well known German politician who has been well written about. Not so well known is his sister Onya.


She was he first to use a shot from a pistol to start a race.

Did you hear about the ATM that had a breakdown?


It was showing withdrawal symptoms.

I passed my wife a glue stick instead of her lipstick.


She's still not talking to me.

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc.,
I called the Suicide Hotline I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.