Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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My grandson turned four today so we went to visit him and give him ice cream. When he came out I didn't recognise him.


Then I realised I'd never seen him be four.

NOPE... NO NO NO... NOPE, No Way!!! JB..... arghhhh...

Originally Posted by 34_40

NOPE... NO NO NO... NOPE, No Way!!! JB..... arghhhh...

Sorry Mike.

Are they too complex for your intellectual capacity?



(Just poking the bear...)



How about this one: Mt Rushmore was unpresidented before those sculptors got there.

Originally Posted by johnboy

Sorry Mike.

Are they too complex for your intellectual capacity?



(Just poking the bear...)



How about this one: Mt Rushmore was unpresidented before those sculptors got there.

....and from the rarely used NNW approach to the famed mountain:

MT Rush.jpg

Must be JB.. but that one was really bad! and the mountain art has really slid down the backside!

How do you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?


It isn't hard.

Originally Posted by johnboy

How do you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?


It isn't hard.

I don't get it... you better explain this! 8-)

Originally Posted by 34_40

I don't get it... you better explain this! 8-)

Or maybe not....... Better to just leave Mike wondering

I always knock on my fridge door before opening it.


Just in case there's a salad dressing in there.

* I have often wanted to drown my troubles but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
* My wife made me coffee this morning and winked at me when she handed me the cup. I've never been more scared of a drink in all of my life.
* Sex before marriage is considered a sin, and after marriage, a miracle.
* My wife just stopped me and said "You weren't even listening to me." I thought "That's a strange way to start a conversation."
* Behind every angry woman is a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.
* When I farted she left. Gone with the wind!
* As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible but brassing them off is a piece of cake.
*My wife told me that if stupid could fly, I'd be a jet.
* There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is , once you get old, you stop being polite and start being honest.
* The police just pulled me over and said "Papers." I said "Scissors, I win." And drove off. I think he wants a rematch. He's been chasing me for 45 minutes.
* My favourite part of the marathon is watching the runners reactions when they grab my plastic cup of vodka.
* I went to the house I grew up in and asked if I could go in and have a look around. They said "No." and slammed the door in my face. My parents can be so rude.
* She said she missed me. Normally that would be good but she is reloading.
* "I ran into my ex yesterday"
"What did she say?"
"I don't know. I just kept on driving."
* You can tell a lot about a woman by her hands. For instance, if they are around your throat she's probably very upset.
* You know how they throw the ball into the crowd after winning a tennis game? That's not allowed in bowling. I know that now.
* Seeing how some people wear their masks, I now understand how contraceptives fail.
* "Why isn't John at work today?"
"He's in hospital."
"But I'm sure I saw him dancing with a lovely girl last night."
"So did his wife."
* Notice on the side of a van 'We fix what your husband fixed.'
* I went to visit a psychic and knocked on her door. She yelled "Who is it?" So I left.
'Cracker' joke
Q. What do you call 100 little sheep rolling down a hill?

A. A lamb slide.

William Shatner has discontinued his new line of lingerie.

Apparently, Shatner panties wasn’t the best choice for a name.

Finland have just closed their borders with Ukraine.

Which means no one can cross the finish line.

Originally Posted by johnboy

finland have just closed their borders with ukraine.

Which means no one can cross the finish line.

Aaaaarrrgh!
AARGH.jpg

Her: What do you do?

Me: I race cars.

Her: Do you win many races?

Me: No, the cars are much faster.