Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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I went for qn interview for a bus driving job. I said "Sorry I'm late!"

He said "You're hired!"

For Johnboy:
With all of the harping from my doctors about healthy living I've found that I'm totally addicted to hiking! I'm taking steps to deal with my addiction but I'm not out of the woods yet....

Originally Posted by rspears

For Johnboy:
With all of the harping from my doctors about healthy living I've found that I'm totally addicted to hiking! I'm taking steps to deal with my addiction but I'm not out of the woods yet....

Well I've sure gotten old too so don't worry about it!
I've had two bypass surgeries, new knees, fought prostate, cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications daily that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have poor circulation, can hardly feel my hands and feet anymore, can't remember my friends, nor can I remember if i'm 85 or 92.

But thankfully I still have my driver's license!

(And if you believe all that you're sillier than I am!)

OK, I'll leave the play on words posts to jb from now on...

Oops!
Mea culpa!
I noticed the puns, had a quiet chuckle, and thought I'd have to trump it. (Note no capital on the 'T', I'm not getting at him!)
If it ruffled your feathers i'll go back and delete it.
My bad.

My dad was bragging about his new hearing aid. He said, "It's State of the Art and cost me a small fortune!"
I asked, "What type is it?"
He said, "Two thirty-five."

Originally Posted by johnboy

Oops!
Mea culpa!
I noticed the puns, had a quiet chuckle, and thought I'd have to trump it. (Note no capital on the 'T', I'm not getting at him!)
If it ruffled your feathers i'll go back and delete it.
My bad.

No ruffled feathers here! I just figured that the play on words must have taken a different meaning in the trip from north to south, like "a Maureen" or "a Sheila" referring to a random, likely attractive young gal in your stories, while up here those are just specific names. Or "Bob's your uncle!" said to someone up here will likely get a confused reply, "Bob Who? I've got no Uncle Bob that I know of....' (Other than OUR Uncle Bob Parmenter!!)


No blood, no foul, all good - Bob's your uncle!

You can always trust a nudist.

They have nothing to hide.

A young cowboy walks into a seedy old café in Wyoming. He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded staring blankly at a full bowl of meaty chilli.

After a few minutes of just watching him staring at the chili, the young cowboy bravely asks the old cowpoke, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?" The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner says, "Nah, you go ahead."

Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chili.
The sight was very shocking and he immediately barfs up the chili back into the bowl.

The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got too!”

One morning a husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, his wife decided to take the boat out and go for a ride. She motored out a short distance, anchored, and began to read her book.
A short time later, along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulled up alongside the woman and said, “Good morning Ma’am. What are you doing?”
“Reading a book,” she replied, (thinking, “Isn’t that obvious?”)
“You’re in a restricted fishing area,” he informed her.
“I’m sorry officer, but I’m not fishing, I’m reading.”
“Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I’ll have to take you in and write you up.”
“If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual assault,” said the woman.
“But I haven’t even touched you,” said the game warden.
“That’s true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.”
“Have a nice day ma’am,” he said, and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads.

It’s likely she can also think

The main function of your little toe is to make sure all the furniture in the house is in the right place.

My ex-wife just told me that she wants us to get back together again.
Man, I sure am lucky!
I mean, first I won the Lottery, and now this!

I said to my wife: "When I die I'd like to die having sex."
She replied: "At least we'll know that it's quick."

When 3 people have sex
It's called a Threesome

when Two people have sex
It's called a Twosome

Now I understand
Why they call you
Handsome

Today I placed an on-line order for two items, a chicken and an egg. I'll let you know which one comes first!!