Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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I was suspicious and paranoid about my wife having an affair with someone.
So we moved 700 miles away.
I couldn't believe my luck when we still managed to keep the same gardener.
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Big Brother is watching.....
GPS.jpg

Three women had lunch together. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and the third one, had been married for 20+ years.

They were chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes. They agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.

Here’s how it all went...

The engaged friend:
'The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos, and a mask. He saw me and said, ‘You are the woman of my dreams…I love you.’ Then we made passionate love all night long.'

The mistress:
'Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn’t say a word, but he started to tremble and we made wild love all night.'

Then I had to share my story:
'When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said, “What’s for dinner, Zorro?”
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Originally Posted by johnboy

Then I had to share MY story:
'..... I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.”

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It's hard to get that image to fade away, jb!!

My neighbor recently spent $6,500 on a registered Black Angus bull. He put him out with the herd, but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. He was beginning to think he had paid more for that bull than he was worth. Anyway......he had the Vet come and take a look at him. The vet said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave the neighbor some pills to feed him once per day. My neighbor had to go out of town for a few days and asked me to give the bull his pill each morning, not wanting to skip any. Well, that bull started to service the cows within two days! ALL of the cows and then he broke through the fence and bred with all of another neighbor's cows!!! He's like a machine! I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him ... but they kind of taste like peppermint.

Originally Posted by rspears

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It's hard to get that image to fade away, jb!!

I must be getting senile!
That's the second faux pas I've made recently!


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Originally Posted by johnboy

I must be getting senile!
That's the second faux pas I've made recently!


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All good fun jb!! I've got to admit my first thought (and big smiles) was wondering what kind of raucous, irreverent replies you'd get if you posted that one on your Mavericks site!!
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(The Mavericks are an invitation only group of NZ car guys, and once invited to join one must get unanimous approval of the vetted members to become a member. One NO vote is a blackball, and you're out with zero recourse. From the limited exposure that I had at the 2014 NSRA Nationals, they are a close-knit group focused on fun and embarrassing one another within the group whenever possible!)

Originally Posted by rspears

All good fun jb!! I've got to admit my first thought (and big smiles) was wondering what kind of raucous, irreverent replies you'd get if you posted that one on your Mavericks site!!
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(The Mavericks are an invitation only group of NZ car guys, and once invited to join one must get unanimous approval of the vetted members to become a member. One NO vote is a blackball, and you're out with zero recourse. From the limited exposure that I had at the 2014 NSRA Nationals, they are a close-knit group focused on fun and embarrassing one another within the group whenever possible!)

You dribbled a bib-full there. Bang on the mark. None of us are Show Rodders looking for trophys, it's all about good mates and doing things differently just because we can.
And don't give a damn whatever other people think.
Eccentric?
Possibly.
But who cares?
None of us.
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A British engineer has just started his own business in Afghanistan making landmines that look like prayer mats.

He says that prophets are going through the roof.
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The blonde bought herself a new Mercedes. She could drive the car during the day, but at night the car wouldn't move at all. She tried driving the car at night for a week with no luck. Furious, she called the dealership, told them the problem and they sent a mechanic to the house. The mechanic gave the car a thorough inspection
and could not find anything wrong.

Eventually, he asked the blonde, " Are you sure you're using the right gears?"

"Of course I am. I'm not stupid. I use "D" during the day and "N" at night!"

I'm going to take up coin collecting.

The change will do me good.
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Two guys are out golfing together, as one gets ready to swing he suddenly stops. He looks over to the road and takes off his hat in respect for a funeral procession that he sees driving by.
The other golfer looks at him and says "Wow man, that's really respectful of you."
The man puts his hat back on and replies, "Well, we were married for 27 years!"
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A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu.
*Grilled Tourist: $5.00
*Broiled Missionary: $10.00
*Fried Explorer: $15.00
*Baked Politician: $100.00
The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a high price for politicians?"
The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one? They are so full of s**t that it takes all day!"
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As I put the car into reverse I think to myself..."This takes me back"
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Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best Friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.
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