Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

Tweet

Originally Posted by johnboy

A skip is a huge crate with chains on it at all four corners, the only way I know to shift it is to hire a Hiab.

A Hiab is a small crane mounted at either end of a truck's tray...some pick up at 20 tons or so, other smaller ones are around the 2 ton mark.
A handy machine.
.

Also apparently called a "Skip Bin" - https://www.wm.nz/for-home/skip-bin/

A man was watching his wife as she prepared to fry sausages in a pan. He noticed that before placing the sausages in the pan, she always cut off both ends, threw them away, and cooked only the middle part.
Puzzled, he asked, "Honey, why do you always cut off the ends of the sausage before frying it?"
His wife shrugged and replied, "I don’t know. It’s just how my mum taught me to do it."
Curious, the next day they visited her mother. The wife asked, "Mom, why did you teach me to cut off the ends of the sausage before frying it?"
The mother paused for a moment, then said, "I’m not really sure. That’s how my mother always did it. We should ask her."
So the two of them went to visit the grandmother. The wife turned to her grandmother and asked, "Grandma, why do we always cut off the ends of the sausage before frying it?"
The grandmother smiled thoughtfully and said, "That’s just the way my mother taught me. I never really questioned it. We should ask her."
Determined to get to the bottom of this, the three women visited the great-grandmother at her retirement home.
After explaining the situation, the great-granddaughter asked loudly, "Great-grandma, why did you teach us to cut off the ends of the sausage before frying it?"
The elderly woman looked surprised and replied, "Wait, you’re all still doing that? I only did it because my pan was too small to fit the whole sausage!"

If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic. does Fanta make you fantastic?
.

I asked the missus what she wanted for Xmas and She said 'nothing' would make her happier than a diamond necklace.

So I got her nothing...
'

For men who think a woman's place is in the kitchen just remember that's where the knives are kept.
.

A husband went to the police station to file a "missing person" report for his missing wife:

Husband: "I lost my wife, she went shopping & hasn't come back yet."
Inspector: "What is her height?"
Husband: "I never checked."
Inspector "Slim or healthy?"
Husband: "Not slim, she can be healthy."
Inspector: "Color of eyes?"
Husband: "Never noticed".
Inspector: "Color of hair?"
Husband: "Changes according to season".
Inspector: "What was she wearing?"
Husband: "Not sure. It may have been a dress or maybe a suit."
Inspector: "Was she driving?"
Husband: "Yes".
Inspector: "Tell me the type & color of the car?"
Husband: "A black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 litre V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. It has full LED headlights,which use light emitting diodes for all light functions. It has a very thin scratch on the front left door".….and then the husband started crying...

Inspector: "Don't worry sir,..We'll find your car"
.

She just texted, "I can still smell your colon on my pillow...", which is why spelling matters.

Guy goes to a sex shop to buy an inflatable doll.

Gets asked if he wants a regular one or a Muslim one.

He asks what the difference is.

The Muslim one blows itself up.
.

My wife said "You haven't been listening to a word I've been saying!"
I thought "That's a strange way to start a conversation."
.

Two multimillionaire friends met for lunch and started chatting.
"So how's your home life?" asks the first multimillionaire.
"Couldn't be better," replies the second multimillionaire. "I bought an elephant!"
"An elephant? Are you crazy?"
"It's the best purchase I ever made! He grazes the lawn and makes it nice and even. The kids love to ride him and slide down his trunk, so now they are playing outside and being kids instead of just watching TV all day. My wife loves him too. He's very strong and helps her move things when I'm not around. Honestly, I can't think of a better pet."
The first multimillionaire thinks for a moment. "That's actually kind of amazing. How much did you pay for him?"
"Five hundred thousand dollars. What a bargain, huh?"
"Can I buy him for one million dollars?"
"What?! I can't sell him. He's part of my family now!"
"Okay. Two million?"
"You can't put a price on something so useful!"
"Three million?"
"Fine. I'll sell him for three million dollars, but only because you're my friend."
A few months later, the multimillionaires meet again. The first multimillionaire is raging.
"The elephant may have been useful to you, but he's a burden to me. He may have grazed your lawn, but he ate all my trees and left dung all over my lawn. The kids are terrified of that huge, noisy, aggressive thing. My wife and I haven't had a good night's sleep in months because the elephant keeps us awake. It's the worst purchase I ever made!"
"I don't know what to say," says the second multimillionaire. "But with that attitude, you'll never be able to sell him!"
.

LOL This was on a KC Rat Rod/Hot Rod FB Post....
-
TurkeyPan.jpg

Have you ever noticed that there are no long lines for the toilet at the swimming pool?
.

Police have confirmed that the man who tragically fell from the window of the 12th floor nightclub was not a bouncer.
.

Santa doesn't need to pay for parking his sleigh on the roof.

It's on the house.
.

I joined all my wrist watches together today and made a belt.

I call it a waist of time.
.