Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.
Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them.
actually joined in.

One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when
a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. "STOP!," he shouted in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?"
Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him.
"OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.

As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted "STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?"
Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster
and held it up to him.
Harold nodded and said "On your way, Ma'am."

As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, Butt Naked with his ManHood in his hand.

"Oh, good grief," yelled
Ethel, "Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test again.!!!"

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks
into Wal-Mart with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The Wal-Mart Greeter says, "Good morning and welcome
to Wal-Mart ....Nice children you've got there - are they twins?"

The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say,
"Hell no they ain't, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger
one, she's 7.

Why the hell would you think they're twins?........
Do you really think they look alike?"

"No", replies the greeter, "I just can't believe you got laid twice

A Hillbilly family goes to the mall for the first time. Pops and Junior were standing in front of the elevator. An ugly old lady walks up to the elevator, pushes the button, walks in and the door closes. 1 minute later the elevator door opens and out walks a beautiful young woman. Pops tells Junior "Quick, go get your Mom"

Originally Posted by Supa Roosta

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.
Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them.
actually joined in.

One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when
a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. "STOP!," he shouted in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?"
Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him.
"OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.

As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted "STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?"
Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster
and held it up to him.
Harold nodded and said "On your way, Ma'am."

As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, Butt Naked with his ManHood in his hand.

"Oh, good grief," yelled
Ethel, "Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test again.!!!"

wheels of life from another site, artist unknown. Dayam, I messed up. Sorry

Inflatable doll


A guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.

Guy behind the counter says, "Male or female?" Customer says, "Female"

Counter guy asks, "Black or white?" Customer says, "White"

Counter guy asks, "Christian or Muslim?" Customer says, "What the hell does religion have to do with it?"

Counter guy says, "The Muslim one blows itself up....

Originally Posted by 42K3

wheels of life from another site, artist unknown.

Uh, Supa roosta and I aren't exactly welcome at that site any more.

Don

Q: What is black and blue and floats down a river ?

A: People who tell Italian jokes

A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!"
So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's disgusting!"
Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting you should see him make donuts."

Two blondes are walking down the road, when one says, ''Look at that dog with one eye!''

The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, ''Where?''

A GOOD CATHOLIC, an elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Monte Casino went to the local church for confession.

When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, "Father ... during World War II,a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. So I hid her in my attic"

The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! And you have no need to confess that."

"It's worse than that, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favors."

The priest said, "By doing that, you were both in great danger. However, two people under those circumstances can be very tempted to act that way.

But if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."

"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I do have one more question."

"And what is that?" asked the priest.

"Should I tell her the war is over?"

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving under the influance laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different carsbefore he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away.
The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test. The rusults showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied. Tonight I'm the designated Decoy.

Joe and bill are out fishing and sipping beer while discussing football and NASCAR. All of a sudden Joe says," I think I'm gonna divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in over 6 months." Bill sips his beer and says," You better think it over, women like that are hard to find".

Q. What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
A. Sexual harassment.
Q. What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
A. About $3.99 a minute

Q: Whats the difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut ?
A: About two weeks.

Q: Why did the British car engineers put a Jaguar on the hood ?
A: So one a...ole could look at another. (modified from the old Mack Truck Bulldog joke)

FINALLY SOMEONE HAS CLEARED THIS UP. . .

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. We

have always naively thought that it had something to do with
their religion.

The true story has recently been revealed by the Indian Embassy in Washington , D.C.

When one of these women gets married, she brings with her a dowry. On her wedding

night, the husband scratches off the dot to see if he has won either a convenience store,

a gas station, a donut shop or a motel in the United States!