Welcome to Club Hot Rod!  The premier site for everything to do with Hot Rod, Customs, Low Riders, Rat Rods, and more. 

  •  » Members from all over the US and the world!
  •  » Help from all over the world for your questions
  •  » Build logs for you and all members
  •  » Blogs
  •  » Image Gallery
  •  » Many thousands of members and hundreds of thousands of posts! 

YES! I want to register an account for free right now!  p.s.: For registered members this ad will NOT show

 
Like Tree5605Likes

Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel
          
   
   

Reply To Thread
Page 50 of 280 FirstFirst ... 40 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 60 100 150 ... LastLast
Results 736 to 750 of 4194
  1. #736
    hotroddaddy's Avatar
    hotroddaddy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    jacksonville
    Car Year, Make, Model: 53 Ford Panel truck/59 tbird/73 VW Thing
    Posts
    1,656

    Damn right ,what did not kill us made us stronger, the thing that used to happen that i like most, but you cant do now, is woop your kids ass right there in the store if they were misbehaving, yuo do that now you get the cops called

  2. #737
    cffisher's Avatar
    cffisher is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Constantine
    Car Year, Make, Model: 57 chevy 2 dr wagon
    Posts
    9,476

    We didn't get wooped in the store BUT There is a fleshy part of your underarm that got pinched HARD and if you cryed it got harder. To much B/S and it was off to the car or Wait till I tell your DAD. He always sidded with Mom
    Charlie
    Lovin' what I do and doing what I love
    Some guys can fix broken NO ONE can fix STUPID
    W8AMR
    http://fishertrains94.webs.com/
    Christian in training

  3. #738
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In the Boonies of Ontario
    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
    Posts
    1,307

    Men and Therapy!!!

    A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married.

    She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of un-met needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

    Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately.

    The woman instantly shut up and quietly sat down as though she was in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week...... Can you do this?"

    The husband thought for a moment and replied,.. "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf.

  4. #739
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In the Boonies of Ontario
    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
    Posts
    1,307

    Harley-Davidson

     



    Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.

    At the pearly gates St. Peter told Arthur. "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world , as your reward you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven"

    Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."

    St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

    God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle."

    Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me...."

    God commented: "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty, unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"

    Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?"

    God said, " Ah, yes."

    "Well ," said Arthur, "Professional to Professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

    1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
    2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
    3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
    4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.
    5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!

    "Hmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "Hold on."

    God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

    "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

  5. #740
    Irelands child's Avatar
    Irelands child is offline Registered User Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Ballston Lake
    Car Year, Make, Model: Ford 5.0L '31 A Brookville Roadster
    Posts
    667

    Quote Originally Posted by cffisher
    We didn't get wooped in the store BUT There is a fleshy part of your underarm that got pinched HARD and if you cryed it got harder. To much B/S and it was off to the car or Wait till I tell your DAD. He always sidded with Mom
    O-w-w-w Don't I remember that - dam'!! It still hurts now that you made me recall those times. My psychologist wife and daughter #2 would tell me that my repressed memories have returned. OUCH.
    Dave

  6. #741
    76 Kingswood's Avatar
    76 Kingswood is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Sydney, Australia
    Posts
    4

    A hunter kills a deer and brings it home. He decides to clean it, prepare it, and serve the deer meat for dinner. He knows his kids are fussy eaters, and won't eat it if they know what it is, so he doesn't tell them. His little boy keeps asking him ''What's for dinner dad?''
    ''You'll see'' he replies. They start eating dinner and his daughter keeps asking him what they are eating. ''Ok'' says her dad "Here's a hint. It's what your mother sometimes calls me''
    His daughter screams... ''Don't eat it Jimmy!...... It's an arsehole...!!!''

    Dave

  7. #742
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In the Boonies of Ontario
    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
    Posts
    1,307

    Doctor Patient Joke

     



    Don't laugh!" said the patient Ed.

    "Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

    "Okay then," Ed said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'whoo-ha' the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been bigger than the size of a AAA battery.

    Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure. "I'm so sorry Ed," said the doctor...

    "I really am. I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"

    "It's swollen," Ed replied.

  8. #743
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In the Boonies of Ontario
    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
    Posts
    1,307

    Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk. The older of the mothers pulls her bag out and starts flipping through photos and they start reminiscing.

    "This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now"

    "Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully.

    "He's a martyr now though" mum confides.

    "Oh, so sad dear" says the other.

    And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21"

    "Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born".

    "He's a martyr too " says mum quietly.

    "Oh, gracious me ...." Says the other.

    "And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18", she whispers.

    "Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school".

    "He's a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes.

    After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says ...

    "They blow up so fast, don't they?"

  9. #744
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In the Boonies of Ontario
    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
    Posts
    1,307

    SOCIAL SECURITY SEX

    Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"
    "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
    "Social Security sex?"
    "Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live
    on!"


    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    LOUD SEX

    A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem,
    doctor.
    Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear
    splitting yell."

    "My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see
    what the problem is."
    "The problem is," she complained, "it wakes me up!"


    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    QUIET SEX

    Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife
    during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when
    you have an orgasm?"
    She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"


    -----------------------------------------------------------------------

    CONFOUNDED SEX

    A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and
    torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could
    give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the
    surgery since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost
    would be $3,500 for "small", $6,500 for "medium", $14,000 for "large".


    The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged
    him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man
    called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor
    came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected.


    "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.


    The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen."


    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX


    A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
    wedding anniversary.
    The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
    reads: 'Here Lies My Wife-Cold As Ever'."

    "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
    reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last'."




    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    WOMEN'S HUMOROUS SEX

    My husband came home with a tube of K-Y jelly and said, "This will
    make you happy tonight."

    He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all
    over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.


    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    ELDERLY SEX

    One night an 87 year old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92
    year old husband in bed with another woman.

    She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their
    20th floor "assisted living apartment" .. Killing him instantly.

    Brought before the court on charge of murder, the judge asked her if
    she had anything to say in her defense.

    She began coolly, "Yes, your honor, I figured that at 92, if he could
    have sex. He could fly."

  10. #745
    76 Kingswood's Avatar
    76 Kingswood is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Sydney, Australia
    Posts
    4

    A nurse walks into a bank... Preparing to endorse a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her pocket and tries to write with it.
    She looks up at the teller, pauses for a moment, then realizing her mistake, she says,
    "Well, that's great, just great... Some asshole's got my pen."


    Dave

  11. #746
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In the Boonies of Ontario
    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
    Posts
    1,307

    Hell Explained By A Chemistry Student:

     



    The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington
    chemistry mid-term.

    The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

    Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

    Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

    One student, however, wrote the following:

    First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.

    Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that
    all souls go to Hell.

    With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the
    temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

    This gives two possibilities:

    1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

    2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

    So which is it?

    If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen
    over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct... leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine
    being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

    THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A."

  12. #747
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In the Boonies of Ontario
    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
    Posts
    1,307

    Nursery Rhymes For Big Kids

     



    Mary had a little pig,
    She kept it fat and plastered;
    And when the price of pork went up,
    She shot the little bastard.


    MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
    Her father shot it dead.
    Now it goes to school with her,
    Between two hunks of bread.


    JACK AND JILL Went up the hill
    To have a little fun.
    Stupid Jill forgot the pill
    And now they have a son.


    SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair.
    Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,
    "What have you got there?"
    Said the Pie man unto Simon,
    "Pies, you dumb #$%!"


    HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,
    Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
    All the kings' horses,
    And all the kings' men.
    Had scrambled eggs,
    For breakfast again.


    HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,
    All over the bedside clock.
    The little dog laughed to see such fun.
    Then died of electric shock.


    GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,
    Kissed the girls and made them cry.
    And when the boys came out to play,
    He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.


    There was a little girl who had a little curl
    Right in the middle of her forehead.
    When she was good, she was very, very good.
    But when she was bad........
    She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.

  13. #748
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In the Boonies of Ontario
    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
    Posts
    1,307

    Medical Distinction

     



    We've all heard about people having "guts" or "balls", but how many of us really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, a scenario defining each is listed below...


    GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met at the door by your angry wife who’s brandishing a broom , and having the guts to ask:

    "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"


    BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, sporting lipstick on your collar, smelling of perfume and beer, then slapping your angry wife on the butt and announcing:

    "You're next."


    I hope this clears up any confusion.

    Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death.

  14. #749
    youther's Avatar
    youther is offline CHR Head Dunce Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Princeton
    Posts
    641

    I laughed my butt off on this one.............

    For his birthday, little Joseph asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it." The next day the father saw little Joseph heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Joseph replied; "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage & no bike!"
    Go Hokies!!!!!! ACC CHAMPS '04,'07,'08
    4-16-07

  15. #750
    42K3's Avatar
    42K3 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Redmond
    Car Year, Make, Model: 1942 IH K3
    Posts
    508

    Bucks revenge
    Attached Images

Reply To Thread
Page 50 of 280 FirstFirst ... 40 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 60 100 150 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Links monetized by VigLink