Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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dude .. 5 years and only 45 posts .. you need to speak up a bit more

Two hundred and seventy five pound guy goes for his bi-decade physical. After it is done, the doctor says:
"I have some very bad news for you: You have a very short time to live..".

"Oh no!!! How long, doctor??"

"Ten.."

"What, "Ten", Ten years, ten months, ten weeks - what??!?"

The doctor goes, "nine...., eight...., seven..."

Originally Posted by HOSS429

dude .. 5 years and only 45 posts .. you need to speak up a bit more

I think Yellow72 said all that needs to be said.

Check out the green sneakers

I think I see the direction this thread is taking....

this is just my opinion and a short statement.. no need to add comment as it will just get the thread locked .. this is the first time iv`e ever not wanted anyone for president

Originally Posted by HOSS429

this is just my opinion and a short statement.. no need to add comment as it will just get the thread locked .. this is the first time iv`e ever not wanted anyone for president

I have never been partisan.....until this year! I am temporarily a Republican! :-)

The polls say that Hilliary is the front runner everywhere (but Iowa, as of yesterday). I have yet to talk to anyone who will vote for her, Democrat or Republican. Maybe the media is polling themselves - and will vote for her and rampant socialism/communism. Everybody will be equal then, except some like her will be more equal (shades of Orwell's book "Animal Farm").

We should start a new thread for these - regardless of the fact they really are a joke - but not!!!

Happy Thanksgiving to one and all, and here's hoping everyones turkey has ample breasts!

A blind man was seen waiting at a street corner with his guide dog. After a short wait the dog started leading the blind man across the street against the red light.

First a car comes screeching to a halt inches away from him, but still the dog leads on, then a bicyclist almost wipes them out and curses as he goes by. Finally in the last lane a truck swerves and barely misses them.

After they reach the far corner the blind man reaches in his pocket and pulls out a cookie and offers it to the guide dog. At this point another person who has watched the entire episode interrupts asking why he was rewarding the dog after the dog had endangered his life and almost got him run over by a car, bicycle and truck.

The blind man responded: "I'm not rewarding him, I'm just trying to find out which end is his head so I can kick him in the ass."

At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "service."

"It's the act of doing things for other people."

Then I heard these terms which reference the word

SERVICE:

Internal Revenue Service
Postal Service
Telephone Service
Civil Service
City & County Public Service
Customer Service
Service Stations

Then I became confused about the word "service ." This is not what I thought "service" meant.

So today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to "service" a few of his cows. BAM!!! It all came into perspective. Now I understand what all those " services" agencies are doing to us.

I hope you now are as enlightened as I am.

I was feeling a bit depressed the other day, so I called the Help Hotline.

I was put through to a 'call center' in Pakistan.

I explained that I was feeling suicidal.

They were very excited at this news and wanted to know if I could drive a truck or fly an airplane....

The Mounties always get their man!

After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive", Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it contained a single line of coded message:

370H-SSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he showed it to Condoleeza Rice. Condi and her aides had not a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to MI6 and Mossad.

Eventually they asked the Royal Canadian Mounted Police for help. Within seconds the RCMP emailedthe White House with this reply: "Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."

A doctor called his patient on the phone and said "I've got bad news and worse news.....your test results came back and you've only got 24 hours to live. The worse news is.....I forgot to call you yesterday".

How much money did Carl Perkins get for his song Blue Suede Shoes ?

1 for the money
2 for the show
3 to get ready....