Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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The photo below captures a disturbing trend that is beginning to affect wildlife in the USA . Animals that were formerly self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democratic Party...as they have apparently learned to just sit and wait for the government to step in and provide for their care and sustenance.

damn the pic did not post! it was a bear sitting at a picnic table.

You mean this Democratic bear?

Hey that`s the one.Thanks man!

Meanwhile new homeless animals formally found to be enjoyed by millions, now seen begging for handouts at the republican national convention.

There was once a magic mirror in a ladies room in a bar. If one stood in front of this mirror and tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie, *POOF* you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.

A redhead of questionable looks walks into the Ladies Room and stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world." *POOF* The mirror swallows her.

Next, a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I think I think I'm the sexiest woman alive! *POOF* The mirror swallows her.

Then an absolutely gorgeous blond comes in and stands before the mirror and says, "I think..." *POOF*

Ingredients in Viagra:
3% Vitamin E
2% Aspirin
2% Ibuprofen
1% Vitamin C
5% Spray Starch
87% Fix-A-Flat

Choosing a wife
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts . She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.

Men are like that, you know.

A man with a speech impediment goes into a nut shop, and the first thing he notices is that the guy behind the counter has the largest nose he's ever seen. The man with the speech problem quickly turns his attention to the merchandise and asks, 'Ess-tues me, sir?'

'Yes?' replies the clerk.

'Tould you tale me how mutsh your pisstasheos arr?'

'Pistachio's? They're $9 a pound.'

'SSit!' The tongue-tied guy goes back to browsing and then asks, 'Welp, how mutsh arr your aahhmons?'

'Almonds? They're $11.50 a pound.'

'SSIT! tas pensive,' replies the tongue-tied man.

'Welp, how bout your pikanns?'

'Pecans? They're on sale today, they're only $14.50 a pound.'

'Welp, Ssit. Just div me a pound of dose dhen.'

'All right then,' says the clerk as he bags up a pound of pecans.

Then the man says to the clerk, 'Sirr, I just wanna thay tank you fo not making fun of de way I talk, cauz I tan't hep it.'

The clerk replies with a smile. 'Oh sir, you don't have to thank me for that I don't make fun of anybody. I don't know if you noticed but I have a rather large nose.'

The man replies, 'Oh, is dat your noze? I tought dat wuz your pecker since your nuts are so high!'

The Fourth Wedding

A woman married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and told thesales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.

'Of course, madam,' replied the sales clerk, 'exactly what type andcolor dress are you looking for?'

The bride to be said: 'A long frilly white dress with a veil'

The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, 'Please don't take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time - for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?'

'Well,' replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness, 'I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride. You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he died as we were checking into our hotel.'

'My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again.'

'What about your third husband?' asked the sales clerk.

'That one was a Democrat,' said the woman, 'and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened.'

A guy visits his urologist, who is a stunningly beautiful, leggy 6 foot blonde to die for.

Early in the consultation, she says "Hmm, you are going to have to give up masterbating"

He replied "Why?"












She answered "Because I am trying to examine you!"

Pfizer Announcement

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be
available in liquid
form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power
beverage suitable for use
as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to
literally pour himself a stiff
one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft
drink, and it gives new
meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and
just a
good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of:
MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent
on breast implants and
Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means
that by 2040, there
should be a large elderly population with perky boobs
and huge erections and
absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Some years ago, Stan married an attractive woman, Marilyn, half his age, in a small Newfoundland community.

After several months, Marilyn complained that she had never climaxed during sex and according to her Grandmother, all Newfie women are entitled to a climax once in a while.

So, to resolve the problem, they went to see the Veterinarian since there was no trustworthy doctor anywhere in Burin.

The Vet didn't have a clue, but he did recall how, during the hot summer, his Mother and Father, would fan a cow that was having difficulty breeding, with a big towel. This would cool her down and make her relax.

So the Vet told them to hire a strong, virile, young man to wave a big towel over them while they were having sex. This, the Vet said, would cause the young wife to cool down, relax, then climax.

So the couple hired a strong young man from Marystown to wave that big towel over them as the Vet suggested.

After many efforts, Marilyn still had not climaxed so they went back to the Vet. The Vet said for Marilyn to change partners and let the young man have sex with her while Stan waved the big towel.

They tried it that night and Marilyn went into wild, screaming, ear-splitting climaxes, one right after the other for about two and a half hours.

When it was over, Stan looked down at the exhausted young man and in a boasting voice said: 'I 'opes' youse was paying attention, ... Cause that, me son, is how you wave a towel!!

Sorta Gives new meaning to the terms

Low Rider, High Tide, Full Moon and

Crack Kills!

17 Dollar Gangsta...................................