Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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Originally posted by Oldf100fordman
ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT

DOCKET 12659---CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.

The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.

The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling," and I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick," and I could hardly contain myself.

BUT, your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident"... I just lost it."

"CASE DISMISSED!!"

the salesman and the Indian chief this salesman was studying how to throw voice so he was talking to this Indian chief one day when he ask the chief how about letting me talk to your horse chief looks at him said horse no speak so the salesman walks up to his horse and asks the horse does the chief treat you well the salesman throw his voice and the horse replies he treats me good so do you like the chief oh yeah I like the chief so the salesman then ask the Indian chief how about letting me talk to your dog chief look at him and laughs dog no speak so the salesman walk up to the dog and ask him hows the chief treat you the dog replies Oh he treats me well. do you like the chief oh yeah I like the chief so bye this time the chief is sitting there speechless can not believe what has happen so the salesman turns to the chief and ask how about letting me talk to your sheep the chief look at him and says sheep lie

Originally posted by john gemmer
the salesman and the Indian chief this salesman was studying how to throw voice so he was talking to this Indian chief one day when he ask the chief how about letting me talk to your horse chief looks at him said horse no speak so the salesman walks up to his horse and asks the horse does the chief treat you well the salesman throw his voice and the horse replies he treats me good so do you like the chief oh yeah I like the chief so the salesman then ask the Indian chief how about letting me talk to your dog chief look at him and laughs dog no speak so the salesman walk up to the dog and ask him hows the chief treat you the dog replies Oh he treats me well. do you like the chief oh yeah I like the chief so bye this time the chief is sitting there speechless can not believe what has happen so the salesman turns to the chief and ask how about letting me talk to your sheep the chief look at him and says sheep lie

Geez, John, no new Jokes. Me, I am kind out or them. Course I've been up for 42 hours, cause the Arthur Rita$$ wouldn't let me sleep. So I am kind of running outa gas.

Originally posted by Oldf100fordman
Geez, John, no new Jokes. Me, I am kind out or them. Course I've been up for 42 hours, cause the Arthur Rita$$ wouldn't let me sleep. So I am kind of running outa gas.

well ya better try and some sleep this ant good shoot I use to go 21 days with only a 1hr power nap a day but not any more I'm lucky to make 21 hr I ha to learn it the hard way we need sleep so we can have more whit be more mischievous and more cunning oh yes we need sleep

An 83 year old man went to the doctor for a physical. The doctor pronounced him in fine shape but the old man asked to have a sperm count done.

"I don't think that's necessary," said the doctor, but the old man insisted so the doctor gave him an empty bottle and instructed him to fill it up and bring it back the following day.

The next day the old man returns with an empty bottle. "What happened?" asked the doctor. "Well", the old man said, "I tried with my right hand, I tried with my left hand, my wife tried with her right hand, she tried with her left hand, she tried with her teeth in, she tried with her teeth out...

We never could get the damn lid off the bottle!"

For real or not ?


Dear Abby:
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
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Dear Abby:
What can I do about all the sex, nudity, language and violence on my VCR?
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Dear Abby:
I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.
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Dear Abby:
I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boy friend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.
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Dear Abby:
I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again
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Dear Abby:
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
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Dear Abby:
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now, how do I get out?
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Dear Abby:
My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist ! $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.
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Dear Abby:
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.
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Dear Abby:
My mother is mean and short tempered. I think she is going through mental pause.
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Dear Abby:
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor! Now what do I do?
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Dear Abby:
Jim and I have been married a long time, why?

Originally posted by DennyW
Top Ten Things A Department Store Santa Doesn't Want To Hear From Kids

1. "Mom says you're my real daddy"

Hehehehehehehehehe, I wouldn't want to hear that either.

An old man goes in for his yearly physical with his wife tagging
along.

When the doctor enters the examination room he says, "I will need a
urine
sample,
a stool sample, and a sperm sample."

The old man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks, "What
did
he say?"

The wife yells back to him,

"GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERWEAR!." I know boooo

OOPs I think he forgot to do something

Originally posted by john gemmer
OOPs I think he forgot to do something

GGeeesshh ya think

i cant remember all of this one but here goes.

there was this little boy on his bike and he drove up beside this cop on a horse and the cop askes did santa get you that bike and the little boy says yes aand the cop gives him a ticket for not having a reflector on it and the little boy says did santa give you that horse and the cop laufs and says yes and the little boy says well you need to tell him that the dick goes on the bottom and not on top

Harold is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after dinner,
Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the Center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life. One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden.
They begin to chat, and before they know it, several hours have passed.
After a short lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks, Do you know what I miss most of all?" She asks,
"What?" "SEX!!" he replies.
Mildred exclaims, "Why you old fart, you couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!"
"I know," Harold says, "but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while."
"Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it.
Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold's manhood.
Then, one night, Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O. K.
She walked around the senior citizen home where she found him sitting by the pool with another female resident, Ethel, who was holding Harold's manhood!
Furious, Mildred yelled, "You two-timing creep! What does Ethel have that I don't have?"
Old Harold smiled happily and replied, ......... "Parkinson's."I know !I know! you sick puppy

HAHAhahahaha like the last one alot