Welcome to Club Hot Rod!  The premier site for everything to do with Hot Rod, Customs, Low Riders, Rat Rods, and more. 

  •  » Members from all over the US and the world!
  •  » Help from all over the world for your questions
  •  » Build logs for you and all members
  •  » Blogs
  •  » Image Gallery
  •  » Many thousands of members and hundreds of thousands of posts! 

YES! I want to register an account for free right now!  p.s.: For registered members this ad will NOT show

 
Like Tree5605Likes

Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel
          
   
   

Reply To Thread
Page 85 of 280 FirstFirst ... 35 75 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 95 135 185 ... LastLast
Results 1,261 to 1,275 of 4194
  1. #1261
    butch27 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Garden City
    Car Year, Make, Model: T-Roadster
    Posts
    22

    Yellow:You're a brave man to post that. It's funny but I don't know if we can make fun of this new "president"?

  2. #1262
    Yellow72's Avatar
    Yellow72 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Location
    cincinnati
    Car Year, Make, Model: 6-71 blown smallblock '72 corvette
    Posts
    136

    Quote Originally Posted by butch27
    Yellow:You're a brave man to post that. It's funny but I don't know if we can make fun of this new "president"?
    Barack Hussein Obama is the new president elect of these United States of America. Therefore he will be my new president, and no one has more respect for the office than I. It is that office of the greatest country on the planet for in which we have the freedom to say what we like without fear of reprisal.
    God bless America!

  3. #1263
    nitrowarrior's Avatar
    nitrowarrior is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Mesa
    Posts
    1,385

    Every Pres for the last 200+ years has been lampooned. What's so special about Barry?
    What if the "Hokey Pokey" is what it's really all about?

  4. #1264
    Yellow72's Avatar
    Yellow72 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Location
    cincinnati
    Car Year, Make, Model: 6-71 blown smallblock '72 corvette
    Posts
    136

    How do you turn is dishwasher into a snowblower

     



    Hand her a shovel.....

  5. #1265
    stovens's Avatar
    stovens is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Petaluma
    Car Year, Make, Model: 48 Ford F1
    Posts
    9,790

    What has a thousand teeth and eats wieners............................................................................................. .....................a zipper!
    " "No matter where you go, there you are!" Steve.

  6. #1266
    ted dehaan's Avatar
    ted dehaan is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    whittier ca.
    Car Year, Make, Model: 32ford5w,60fordstarliner,55chevy65corvai
    Posts
    645

    Quote Originally Posted by Yellow72
    Barack Hussein Obama is the new president elect of these United States of America. Therefore he will be my new president, and no one has more respect for the office than I. It is that office of the greatest country on the planet for in which we have the freedom to say what we like without fear of reprisal.
    God bless America!
    you will start losing that freedom after he pushes through the fairness doctrine just like hugo chavez controll speach good maxist watch out ...ted
    Last edited by ted dehaan; 11-18-2008 at 08:35 PM.
    I'LL KEEP MY PROPERTY, MY MONEY, MY FREEDOM, AND MY GUNS, AND YOU CAN KEEP THE CHANGE------ THE PROBLEM WITH LIBERALISM IS SOONER OR LATER YOU RUN OUT OF OTHER PEOPLES MONEY margaret thacher 1984

  7. #1267
    Yellow72's Avatar
    Yellow72 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Location
    cincinnati
    Car Year, Make, Model: 6-71 blown smallblock '72 corvette
    Posts
    136

    Quote Originally Posted by ted dehaan
    you will start losing that freedom after he pushes through the fairness doctrine just like hugo chavez controll speach good maxist watch out ...ted
    Lets hope not, that's the first step down the slippery slope..

  8. #1268
    61bone's Avatar
    61bone is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    sioux falls
    Car Year, Make, Model: 27t coupe. Coming soon 32 Pontiac RPU
    Posts
    291

    These jokes aren't very funny.
    theres no foo like an old foo

  9. #1269
    ted dehaan's Avatar
    ted dehaan is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    whittier ca.
    Car Year, Make, Model: 32ford5w,60fordstarliner,55chevy65corvai
    Posts
    645

    so there was two old hot rodders sitting in the park feeding the pigions and don says ya know I had a dreame last night my mother gave me 20 dollars and droped me off at disney land and I had a ball rode all the rides ate and drank all day and had a blast and came home with money left over boy thoes were realy the good old days so uncle bob do you ever have dreams like that uncle thought for a moment ya don last week I drement I had this realy cool bachlor pad and I was mixing myself a martini and there was a nock at the door so I opened the door and there was marlyn monroe standing there wearing nothing but a mink coat and high heel shoes don says wow what did you do uncle bob says I invited her in hung up her coat and mixed her a martini don says wow what happened then bob says there was another nock at the door I opened the door there was jane mansfield wearing nothing but a mink coat and high heel shoes don says what did you do I invited her in hung up her coat and mixed her a martini don says why you s.o.b. you had two them there and you dident call me uncle bob says I did but your mom said you were at disney land
    I'LL KEEP MY PROPERTY, MY MONEY, MY FREEDOM, AND MY GUNS, AND YOU CAN KEEP THE CHANGE------ THE PROBLEM WITH LIBERALISM IS SOONER OR LATER YOU RUN OUT OF OTHER PEOPLES MONEY margaret thacher 1984

  10. #1270
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In the Boonies of Ontario
    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
    Posts
    1,307

    Why

     



    Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

    Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?

    Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

    Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?

    Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

    Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

    Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

    Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

    Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'Lisp'?

    If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

    Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

    Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

    Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

    Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

    Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

    How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

    When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'that hurt, you stupid idiot?'

    Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

    In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

    How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

    And my FAVORITE......

    The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

  11. #1271
    Yellow72's Avatar
    Yellow72 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Location
    cincinnati
    Car Year, Make, Model: 6-71 blown smallblock '72 corvette
    Posts
    136

    Don't I know you?

     



    So the Lady in the check out line looked familiar.

    I asked her - Do I know you?

    She said: - Yes, I have one of your children.

    Oh, Sh!t, Are you that stripper that I bent over the pool table at my bachelor party and violated 50 different ways while the other stripper spanked my butt? I'm so sorry....

    No, I'm your son's English Teacher.

  12. #1272
    Yellow72's Avatar
    Yellow72 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Location
    cincinnati
    Car Year, Make, Model: 6-71 blown smallblock '72 corvette
    Posts
    136

    What?

     



    An elderly couple was attending Mass.
    About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?
    He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'

  13. #1273
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In the Boonies of Ontario
    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
    Posts
    1,307

    Because I'm A Man

     







    Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in
    the car,
    I will fiddle with a coat hanger long
    after hypothermia has set in.
    Calling AAA is not an option.
    I will win.
    _______________________________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running
    very well, I will pop the
    hood and stare at the
    engine as if I know what I'm looking at.
    If another man shows up, one of us will say to
    the other,
    'I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all
    these computers and
    everything, I wouldn't know where to start.
    '
    We will then drink a couple of beers and break
    wind, as a form of holy communion.

    ___________________________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold,
    I need someone
    to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in
    bed and moan.

    You're a woman. You never get as sick
    as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
    _________________________________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, I can be relied
    upon to purchase
    basic groceries at the store,
    like milk or bread.
    I cannot be expected
    to find exotic items like 'cumin' or 'tofu.'
    For all I know, these are the same thing.

    _________________________________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, when one of our
    appliances stops working,
    I will insist on taking
    it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me
    twice as much once the repair person

    gets here and has to put it back together.

    __________ _______________________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, I must hold the
    television remote control in
    my hand while
    I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced,
    I may miss a whole show looking for it, though one time
    I was able to survive by
    holding a calculator instead
    (applies to engineers only)

    _________________________________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask
    me what I'm thinking about.
    The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex,
    sports or sex.
    I have to make up something
    else when you ask, so just don't ask.
    ________________________________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, you don't have to
    ask me if I liked
    the movie. Chances
    are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't
    ... and if you are
    feeling amorous afterwards then I will certainly
    at least remember the
    name and recommend it to others.
    __________________________________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing
    is fine.
    I thought what you were wearing five
    minutes ago was
    fine, too. Either pair of shoes
    is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine.
    It does not make your ass look
    too big.
    It was the pasta and potatoes and margaritas
    that did that.
    Your hair is fine.
    You look fine.
    Can we just go now?

    ___________________________________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, and this is, after all,
    the year 2008, I will share equally in the
    housework. You just do the laundry, the
    cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming,
    and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.
    Like
    wandering around in the garden with a beer, wondering what to do.
    _______________________________________________________________

    This has been a public service message for

    women to better understand men.

  14. #1274
    Yellow72's Avatar
    Yellow72 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Location
    cincinnati
    Car Year, Make, Model: 6-71 blown smallblock '72 corvette
    Posts
    136

    Before I die

     



    Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife that
    the doctor has told him that he has only 24 hours to live.

    Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex.
    Naturally, she agrees, so they make love.

    About 6 hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says,
    "Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live.
    Could we please do it one more time?"

    Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.

    Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch
    and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left.
    He touches his wife's shoulder and asks,
    "Honey, please... just one more time before I die."

    She says, "Of course, Dear," and they make love for the third time.

    After this session, the wife rolls over and falls to sleep.

    Morris, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and
    turns, until he's down to 4 more hours.
    He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours.
    Do you think we could..."



    At this point the wife sits up and says,
    "Listen Morris, I have to get up in the morning... you don't."

  15. #1275
    53 Chevy5's Avatar
    53 Chevy5 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Doon, Ia
    Car Year, Make, Model: 53 Chevy 3100
    Posts
    2,714

    A man was walking along when he noticed that there was a lady sitting at a bench in a park reading her Bible. He then walked up to her and said, " You don't really believe in that Bible do you , Like all the stories that couldn't possibly be true like that guy Noah and the flood ." The lady then replies " I believe everything in the Bible but just for you I'll ask Noah about the flood when I go to heaven."
    The man replied," What if Noah didn't go to heaven?"
    The lady looked up from her Bible and kindly said " Well I guess if Noah didn't got to heaven, then you can ask him."

Reply To Thread
Page 85 of 280 FirstFirst ... 35 75 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 95 135 185 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Links monetized by VigLink