wow Nineftfreak some good jokes there
my offering

"How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde

waitress walks in the door.

"It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down Elm street

and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the

middle of the street. He'd been thrown from his car. His leg

was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood

everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course and all my

training came back to me in a minute."

"What did you do?" asks the bartender.

"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from

fainting!"