Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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The Dog's Diary

8:00am Dog food! My Favorite thing!
9:30am A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40am A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30am Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00pm Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00pm Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00pm Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00pm Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00pm Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00pm Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00pm Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


The Cat's Diary

Day 983 of my captivity

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort
of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless
must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps my going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them,
I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this
would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However,
they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary
confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear noises and smell the food.
I overheard that my confinement was due to the 'power of allergies'. I must learn what this
means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving
around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than
willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him
communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My
captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.

For now……………