Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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A brunette walks into a bar and says, ''Gimme an M L.'' The bartender says, " What's an M L?'' She says, '' A Miller Light.''

Another Brunette walks in and says, "Gimme a B L.'' The bartender says, ''What's a B L?"

She says, ''Bud Light.''

A blonde walks in and says, ''Gimme a 15.'' The bar tender says,'' What's a fifteen?'' She says,'' 7&7, duh!"

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they
aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness,
a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs.
Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams.
I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate
people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when
you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a
two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room
and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defence attorney?"

She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't
build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the
worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three
different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defence attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet
voice, said,

"If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the
electric chair."

DEEP THOUGHTS BY MEN WHILE FISHING

Two men are out fishing at their favorite fishing hole, just fishing
quietly and drinking beer.

Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Bob says,
"I think I'm going to divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months."

Earl continues slowly sipping his beer, then thoughtfully says,
"You better think it over - women like that are hard to find."

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love.

When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice
and gave up beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from
work.

Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I
would be late because I had to walk home.

On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more
than I could stand.

With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the
time I reached home, so I s topped at the diner and before I knew it, I had
consumed t hree large orders of baked beans.

All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed
delightedly: 'Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.'

He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table.

I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone
rang.

He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to
answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was
becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized
the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. < BR>
It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a
skunk in front of a pulpwood mill.

I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was
worse than cooked cabbage.

Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I
went on like this for another few minutes.

The pleasure was indescribable.
When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I
quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap
and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with
myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned,
apologizing for taking so long.

He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had
not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated
around the table chorused: 'Happy Birthday!'




Pat