Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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As you slide down the banister of life, remember:

1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book.
It's called "Ministers do More than Lay People."

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

3. The difference between the Pope and your Boss: the Pope only
expects you to kiss his ring.

4. My mind works like Lightning: One brilliant flash and it's gone.

5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you are
in the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies. I tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well it really chilled the mood.

7. It used to be that only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling added.

8. A Husband is one who, when he has finished taking out the trash, gives the impression that he has cleaned the whole house.

9. My next house will have no kitchen: just vending machines and a big trash can.

10. The blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic would try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me that all I needed was turn signal fluid."

11. My neighbor was bitten by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him frantically writing on a piece of paper. I explained to him that rabies can be treated and that he didn't have to write out a will.
"Will, what will," he said. "I'm making a list of the people I want to bite."

12.Definition of a teenager: God's punishment for enjoying sex.

13. As you slide down the banister of life, may none of the splinters be pointing the wrong way.

It was entertainment time at the Day Centre for the elderly and the Amazing Claude
was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do
his stuff.

As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced, 'Unlike most hypnotists
who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each
and every member of the audience.' The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a
beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. 'I want you each to keep your eye on this
antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations.'

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting 'Watch the watch,
watch the watch, watch the watch ....' The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed
back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.

Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the
hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

'Shit,' said the Hypnotist.

It took three days to clean up the Day Centre.