Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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A Somalian arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States.

He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says "Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and a free education."

The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am Mexican."

The man goes on and encounters another passerby. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America."

The person says "I am not American, I am Vietnamese."

The new arrival walks further and stops the next person he sees, shakes his hand and says "Thank you for the wonderful America."

That person puts up his hand and says " I am from the Middle East, I am not American."

He finally sees a nice lady and asks "Are you an American?"

She says "No, I am from Africa." Puzzled, he asks her "Where are all the Americans?"

The African lady checks her watch and says "Probably at work."

HOW MANY DOGS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?
Border Collie: Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole
lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?
Dachshund: I can't reach the stupid lamp!
Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
Rottweiler: Go Ahead! Make me!
Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants. . . .
Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I?
Huh? Huh? Can I?
Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy
Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.
Hound Dog: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?
Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
Doberman Pinscher: Leave it out. I prefer to work in the dark...
Irish Wolfhound: Can somebody else do it? I've got a hangover.
Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there...
Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
Australian Shepherd: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
Old English Sheep Dog: I thought it got dark out there, but you know, from under here, it's so hard to tell.
Puli: You know, thees lighteengs appeel to my deep, roMANteek soul. I weell put on a leetle geepsie music for you, my dear. Then maybe we cry a leetle together, no?
Alsatian (German Shepherd): Who turned out the lights?! Nobody move! You're all under arrest.
Junkyard dog: Hey, don't throw away that burned-out bulb. We can use that.
Any cat: You there, Alsatian, get the ladder. Irish setter, fetch the spare bulb. No, not a 60-watt you idiot. 100-watt. Do I have to do everything....?!!!