HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES
(LOVERS OF WORDS)
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger.....Then it hit me.
Police were called to a day care where a 3-yr-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?He's all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.
A thief fell & broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
When the smog lifts in Los Angles, U. C. L. A.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
A will is a dead giveaway.
Time flies like an arrow . . . fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
A chicken crossing the road = poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft & I'll show you A-flat miner.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France and resulted in Linoleum Blown apart.
You are stuck with your debt, if you can't budge it.
A calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory, which was never developed.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture: a jab well done.
Marathon runners with bad shoes, suffer the agony of de feet.