Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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A Speeding Ticket
Two California Highway Patrol Officers were conducting speeding enforcement on I-15, just north of the Marine Corps Air Station at Miramar. One of the officers was using a hand held radar device to check speeding vehicles approaching the crest of a hill. The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar gun began reading 300 miles per hour. The officer attempted to reset the radar gun, but it would not reset and then turned off. Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that the radar had in fact locked on to a USMC F/A-18 Hornet which was engaged in a low flying exercise near the location.

Back at the CHP Headquarters the Patrol Captain fired off a complaint to the USMC Base Commander. The reply came back in true USMC style:

'Thank you for your letter. We can now complete the file on this incident.

You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Hornet had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked on to your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it, which is why it shut down.

Furthermore, an Air-to-Ground missile aboard the fully armed aircraft had also automatically locked on to your equipment location. Fortunately, the Marine Pilot flying the Hornet recognized the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile system alert status and was able to override the automated defense system before the missile was launched to destroy the hostile radar position.

The pilot also suggests you cover your mouths when cussing at them, since the video systems on these jets are very high tech. Sergeant Johnson, the officer holding the radar gun, should get his dentist to check his left rear molar. It appears the filling is loose. Also, the snap is broken on his holster.

Thank you for your concern.'

Japanese Fart

A young Japanese girl had been taught all her life that when she married
she was to please her husband and never upset him.

So, the first morning of her honeymoon the young Japanese bride
crawled out of bed after making love, stooped down to pick up her husband's
clothes and accidentally let out a big fart.

She looked up and said:
'Aww so sowwy...excuse prease, front hole so happy back hole laugh out loud.'

Just think - if the Indians had given the Pilgrim fathers a donkey instead of a turkey,

we all would be having a piece of ass for thanksgiving.

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a bass boat below. She shouted to him, 'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.' The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, 'You're in a hot airballoon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.' She rolled her eyes and said, 'You must be a Republican.' 'I am,' replied the bass fisherman. 'How did you know?' 'Well,' answered the balloonist, ' everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me.' The man smiled and responded, 'You must be a Democrat.' 'I am,' replied the balloonist. 'How did you know?' 'Well,' said the bass fisherman, 'you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect meto solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault.'

(If I've offended your political views - so be it )