Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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At the end of the tax year, the IRS sent an inspector to audit
the books of a synagogue.

While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said:

"I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle
drippings?"

"Good question", noted the Rabbi.

"We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every
now and then they send us a free box of candles.

"Oh", replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual
question had a practical answer.

But on he went, in his obnoxious way:

"What about all these biscuit purchases?

What do you do with the crumbs?"

"Ah, yes", replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was tryin g
to trap him with an unanswerable question.

"We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every
now and then they send a free box of holy biscuits."

"I see!" replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster
the know-it-all Rabbi.

"Well, Rabbi", he went on,
"What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions
you perform?"

"Here, too, we do not waste", answered the Rabbi.
"What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the IRS, and
about once a year they send us a complete dick."

Father O’Malley and Rabi Rebiniwitz were lifelong friends. They lived in one of New York’s up-scale areas and often spent time together socially and every year traveled by train to Washington DC to attend an ecumenical conference. It was on one such trip that the good priest broached a touchy subject.

“Ruben, we’ve been friends a long time,” he began.

“Yes we have, Michael,” came the priests reply.

“Do you mind if inquire in a personal nature?” continued the priest.

“Of course not - ask me anything and as Jehovah is my witness I’ll speak the truth to you,” replied the Rabbi.

“Well, I often wondered, have you ever eaten pork?”

The Rabi went to the door of their train compartment and glanced first up and then back down the aisle of the train. Satisfied that no one was within ear shot, he sat back down and responded, “If you must know, every Thursday for the past twenty years, I’ve changed into street clothing, put on a Yankees ball cap and gone over to the Bronx and eaten a ham sandwich, drank a Knickerbocker beer and watched a ball game in a local bar.”

It was quiet for a while with just the clickity-clack of the train’s wheel being heard. The Rabbi cleared his throat and began, “Michael, now that you know my little secret, may I ask you a personal question?”

“Why of course you may, Ruben and as God is my witness, I’ll be giving you the plain truth,” said the priest.

“Well Michael, have you ever been with a woman?” came the Rabbi’s question.

The priest rose and not only looked up and down the train’s aisle, he gently closed the door and then began, “If you must know, for the past twenty years, Sister Alice and I have been seeing each other. We meet at a small motel in Atlantic City on the first Tuesday of the month and enjoy the passion.”

After another short silence, the Rabbi looked across at the priest with a wicked grin and said, “sure beats a ham sandwich doesn’t it?”