>> 1. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and
>> Shithead's.
>>
>> 2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0
>> in college was my blood alcohol content.
>>
>> 3. I live in my own little world
>> but it's OK, everyone knows me here.
>>
>> 4. I saw a rather large woman
>> wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I
>> said," Thyroid problem?"
>>
>> 5. I don't do drugs 'cause
>> I find I get the same effect just by standing up really
>> fast.
>>
>> 6. Sign In Chinese Pet Store:
>> "Buy one dog, get one flea..."
>>
>> 7. Money can't buy happiness
>> but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
>>
>> 8. I got a sweater for Christmas. I
>> really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
>>
>> 9. If flying is so safe, why do
>> they call the airport the "terminal"?
>>
>> 10. I don't approve of
>> political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.
>>
>> 11. The most precious thing we have
>> is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
>>
>> 12. If life deals you lemons, make
>> lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.
>>
>> 13. I love being married. It's
>> so great to find that one special person you want to annoy
>> for the rest of your life.
>>
>> 14. Shopping tip: You can get shoes
>> for a buck at bowling alleys.
>>
>> 15. I am a nobody, nobody is
>> perfect, so therefore I am perfect.
>>
>> 16. Everyday I beat my own previous
>> record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
>>
>> 17. That Claudia Schiffer must be a
>> genius because I told a friend my plan to attain world
>> peace, and he told me I have "Schiffer Brains."
>>
>> 18. No one ever says "It's
>> only a game!" when their team is winning.
>>
>> 19. How long a minute is, depends
>> on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
>>
>> 20. Isn't having a smoking
>> section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a
>> swimming pool?
>>
>> 21. Marriage changes
>> passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
>>
>> 22. Why is it that most nudists are
>> people you don't want to see naked?
>>
>> 23. Snowmen fall from Heaven
>> unassembled.
>>
>> 24. Every time I walk into a
>> singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: Don't pick
>> that up, you don't know where it's been.
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