Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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Nancy Pelosi had the honor of introducing the Pope to a huge audience of faithful Catholics and her constituents at large. Her gestures and waiving were animated but her reception was lukewarm, however, when she mentioned the Pope by name, the crowd cheered wildly. As they cheered, the Pope leaned close to Ms. Pelosi and spoke softly so that only she could hear and said, "Did you know that with just one little wave of MY hand I can make EVERY person in the crowd go crazy with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will forever speak of this day and rejoice."

Pelosi seriously doubts this, and says, "One little wave of your hand, and all people will rejoice forever?? Show me", she said.

So the Pope slapped her

I have come to realize after thirty-one years of marriage the type of sex my wife enjoys the most....

DOGGIE STYLE!

I sit up and beg...

And she rolls over and plays dead...

A LOVE STORY (break out the tissues)





This 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting.

When she went before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?"

She replied, "A can of peaches."
The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches and she replied that she was hungry.
The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can.
She replied 6.
The judge then said, "I will then give you 6 days in jail."
Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something.
The judge said, "What is it?"
The husband said, "She also stole a can of peas."

Redneck fire alarm:

Got stopped this morning. Policeman walks up and asks if I know why he stopped me. I said I assumed he wanted to sell me some tickets to the Policemans ball. He replied " The police have no balls I'm aware of", then for some reason he just got in his car and left.

How Blonde Is She???

She was Soooooooo Blonde ...
* She thought a quarterback was a refund.
* She thought General Motors was in the army.
* She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
* She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
* At the bottom of an application where it says ' Sign here: ' she wrote ' Sagittarius. '

She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde ...
* She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
* She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
* Under ' education ' on her job application, she put ' Hooked On Phonics'

She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde ...
* She tripped over a cordless phone.
* She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said 'Concentrate' .
* She told me to meet her at the corner of ' WALK ' and ' DON ' T WALK ...'
* She tried to put M&M ' s in alphabetical order.

She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde ...
* She studied for a blood test.
* She sold the car for gas money.
* When she had to count to 12 she took her bra off.
* When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, ' Airport Left, ' she turned around and went home.

She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde ...
* When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
* She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
* She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
* She had a shirt that said ' TGIF, ' which she thought stood for ' This Goes In Front'.





AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:

She is sooooooooooooooooo Blonde ...

She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company

The New GM (Government Motors) Proudly Introduces The 2010 Obama

This car runs on hot air and broken promises. It has three wheels that speed the vehicle through tight left turns. It comes complete with two TelePrompters programmed to help the occupants talk their way out of any violations. The “transparent” canopy reveals the plastic smiles still on the faces of all the "happy" owners.
Comes in S, M, L, XL and 2XL. It won't get you to work, but not a problem, there aren't any jobs anyway!