Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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Redneck fire alarm:

Got stopped this morning. Policeman walks up and asks if I know why he stopped me. I said I assumed he wanted to sell me some tickets to the Policemans ball. He replied " The police have no balls I'm aware of", then for some reason he just got in his car and left.

How Blonde Is She???

She was Soooooooo Blonde ...
* She thought a quarterback was a refund.
* She thought General Motors was in the army.
* She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
* She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
* At the bottom of an application where it says ' Sign here: ' she wrote ' Sagittarius. '

She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde ...
* She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
* She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
* Under ' education ' on her job application, she put ' Hooked On Phonics'

She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde ...
* She tripped over a cordless phone.
* She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said 'Concentrate' .
* She told me to meet her at the corner of ' WALK ' and ' DON ' T WALK ...'
* She tried to put M&M ' s in alphabetical order.

She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde ...
* She studied for a blood test.
* She sold the car for gas money.
* When she had to count to 12 she took her bra off.
* When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, ' Airport Left, ' she turned around and went home.

She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde ...
* When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
* She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
* She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
* She had a shirt that said ' TGIF, ' which she thought stood for ' This Goes In Front'.





AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:

She is sooooooooooooooooo Blonde ...

She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company

The New GM (Government Motors) Proudly Introduces The 2010 Obama

This car runs on hot air and broken promises. It has three wheels that speed the vehicle through tight left turns. It comes complete with two TelePrompters programmed to help the occupants talk their way out of any violations. The “transparent” canopy reveals the plastic smiles still on the faces of all the "happy" owners.
Comes in S, M, L, XL and 2XL. It won't get you to work, but not a problem, there aren't any jobs anyway!

Is there any wonder.

Jack.

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION
ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME
WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE,
AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:


1... My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.

2.. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

3.. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

4.. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.

5.. I thought that I could love no other
-- that is until I met your brother.

6.. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's
empty and so is your head.

7.. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

8.. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

9.. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

10. My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'

11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

WHO SAID POETRY IS BORING

Resto - I often show my wife these little ditties - this one - not a chance