Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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Whether Conservative, Liberal, Democrat or Republican, I think you'll get a kick out of this!

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'

Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.

The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.

Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. '

The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'

The little boy replies, 'The Prime Minister is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep sh*t.'

Words Women Use


FINE
This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right
about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks.
This will cause you to have one of those arguments.


FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your
football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that
it's an even trade.


NOTHING
This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually
used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out,
upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that
will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."


GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing"
and will end with the word "Fine."


GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will
get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing"
and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.


LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very
misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at
that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and
arguing with you over "Nothing."


SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few
things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is
to not move or breathe and she will stay content.


THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man.
"That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you
retributions for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often
used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go
Ahead." At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned,
you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.


PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to
come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is
that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful
and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."


THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you're welcome.


THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when
she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some
callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask
what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."

A man watching a hockey game on TV kept switching channels to a dirty movie featuring a lusty couple.
"I don't know whether to watch them or the game," he said to his wife.
"For heaven's sake, watch them," his wife said.
"You already know how to play Hockey!"

"EMAIL WARNING"

If you should get an email with the subject title "Nude Photos of Nancy Pelosi"

DO NOT OPEN IT - - because there are actually Nude Photos of Nancy Pelosi in the email !

Several Red Blooded American Men have already been scarred for Life and are in rehab awaiting a cure !

JENNY CRAIG FOR MEN



A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.



The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a
voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike
running shoes and a sign around her neck.



She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The
sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.'



Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing
and puffing, he finally gives up..



The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.



On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10
lbs. as promised.



He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.



The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning,
beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life.. She is wearing nothing
but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you
catch me you can have me'.



Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent
shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the
same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.



Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers
that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised. He decides to go for broke and
calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program



'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone... 'This is our most
rigorous program.'



'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.'



The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a
huge muscular

guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around
his neck

that reads, 'If I catch you, you're mine.'



He lost 63 pounds that week.

This morning, from a cave somewhere in Pakistan, Taliban Minister of Migration, Mohammed Omar, warned the United States and Canada that if military action against Iraq and Afghanistan continues, Taliban authorities will cut off America's and Canada 's supply of convenience store managers.

And if this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be next, followed by Visa, Bell and Rogers customer service reps.

It's getting ugly folks.

Originally Posted by fitzwilly

This morning, from a cave somewhere in Pakistan, Taliban Minister of Migration, Mohammed Omar, warned the United States and Canada that if military action against Iraq and Afghanistan continues, Taliban authorities will cut off America's and Canada 's supply of convenience store managers.

And if this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be next, followed by Visa, Bell and Rogers customer service reps.

It's getting ugly folks.

Will they include us in the southern hemisphere,too??will they?huh?huh?huh??