Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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Old Geezer and Young Blonde

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking, old geezer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blonde in her mid-twenties.
The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"
The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and drool over her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.
The circus owner's jaw is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the geezer and asks, "Can you top that?"
The tough old geezer replies, "No problem, just get that lion out of there."

Five year old's first job

Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5-year-old girl and some construction workers that will make you believe that we all can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time.

A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next-door and spent much of each day observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew, all of them "gems-in-the-rough," more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot.

They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars.

The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars "pay" she'd received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller asked the little girl how she had earned the money. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."

"Oh my goodness," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will, if those a**holes at Home Depot ever deliver the f**kin' sheet rock..."

Kind of brings a tear to the eye - doesn't it?

A couple, both age 76, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.

When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse," and charged them $50. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.

Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"

The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house, I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90; the Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50 and I get $43 back from Medicare

This black lady walks into the photo studio with her teen age daughter to have their portrait taken. The photographer sets them down in front of the camera then goes behind and puts his head under the black cape. The daughter asks the mother.... What he gona do? the mother replies.... he gona focus. The daughter asks in amazement.... boff us?

THE HORTH WHITHPERER



A guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse.

His buddy asks, 'How will I recognize him?'

'That's easy; he's a dwarf with a speech impediment.'

So, the dwarf shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.

'A female horth.'

So he shows him a prized filly.

'Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth?'

So the guy picks up the dwarf and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.

'Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth?'

So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears.

'Nith earzth, can I thee her mouf?'

The rancher is getting pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.

'Nice mouf, can I see her twat?'

Totally mad at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the dwarf's head up the horse's fanny, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.

The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.

'Perhapth I should rephrase that. Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit?'

Originally Posted by Jack F

This black lady walks into the photo studio with her teen age daughter to have their portrait taken. The photographer sets them down in front of the camera then goes behind and puts his head under the black cape. The daughter asks the mother.... What he gona do? the mother replies.... he gona focus. The daughter asks in amazement.... boff us?

Rude, crass, racist, un-p.c. and tasteless......Keep up the good work

Banned,

Yeah, thought I might be pushing the envelope on that one. Tried to make the lady and daughter generic but the dialect used dictated otherwise.

Jack.

New Miranda Warning


A female police officer arrests a man for drunk driving.

She tells the man, "Sir, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you..."


The drunk says:




"Your naked body."