Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups of animals.

We are all familiar with a Herd of cows, a Flock of chickens, a School of fish and a Gaggle of geese.

However, less widely known is a Pride of lions, a Murder of crows (as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens), an Exaltation of doves and, presumably because they look so wise, a Parliament of owls.

Now consider a group of Baboons. They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all primates. And what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons?

Believe it or not ....... a Congress!

I guess that pretty much explains the things that come out of Washington

Never thought I'd see the word "anthropomorphic" on this forum! Where'd I put that dictionary...

Originally Posted by RestoRod

The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups of animals.

We are all familiar with a Herd of cows, a Flock of chickens, a School of fish and a Gaggle of geese.

However, less widely known is a Pride of lions, a Murder of crows (as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens), an Exaltation of doves and, presumably because they look so wise, a Parliament of owls.

Now consider a group of Baboons. They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all primates. And what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons?

Believe it or not ....... a Congress!

I guess that pretty much explains the things that come out of Washington

Just found this...(yeah yeah, I'm a bit slow,) but there's also a colective noun for bank managers...a wunch.
As in a wunch of bankers.

The Texas Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards, claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.

GOV’T AGENT: “I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.”

RANCHER: ”Well, there’s my hired hand who’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. Then there’s the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.”

GOV’T AGENT: “That’s the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one.”

RANCHER: “That would be me.”

Dear God: It's me, the Dog

Dear God: Is it on purpose that our names
are spelled the same, only in reverse?

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers,
but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to Heaven, can we sit
on your couch? Or will it be the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar,
the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray,and the
rabbit, but not ONE named for a Dog?

How often do you see a cougar riding around?
We love a nice car ride! Would it be so hard to
rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?

Dear God: If a Dog barks his head off in the forest
and no human hears him, is he still a bad Dog?

Dear God: We Dogs can understand human
verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles,
horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs,
electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee
flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven?
If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Here is a list of just some of the things
I must remember to be a good Dog:
1. I will not eat the cat's food before he eats
it or after he throws it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish,
crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's
underwear when he's on the toilet.
7. Sticking my nose into someone's
crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.
8. I don't need to suddenly stand
straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before
entering the house - not after.
10. I will not come in from outside,
and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living
room, and lick my crotch.
12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy',
so when I play with him and he makes that noise,
it's usually not a good thing.


P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven, may I have my testicles back?

Just logged on,,this is no joke....Someone has picked up my favorite forum,and dropped it on its head...I cant find anything,,and to make it worse,I have to hit the refresh button,sometimes twice,,to get anything to pop up...Hullo,,just hit the go advanced button,,and it seems to have come right..Scary...

Originally Posted by lamin8r

Just logged on,,this is no joke....Someone has picked up my favorite forum,and dropped it on its head...I cant find anything,,and to make it worse,I have to hit the refresh button,sometimes twice,,to get anything to pop up...Hullo,,just hit the go advanced button,,and it seems to have come right..Scary...

Robin - I would guess that it is most likely your local service provider. I've been on and off all day with no problems. Sunspots over the South Pacific maybe???

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference..
He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out
it was only an optical Aleutian ..

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because
it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum
Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking
into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.. One hat said
to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small
medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a
seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count
that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed
per passenger.'

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says
'Dam!'

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have
your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The
other says 'Are you sure?'
The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a
root canal? His goal: to transcend dental medication.