Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating a bowl of peanuts. Every now and then he would toss a peanut in the air and catch it in his mouth. Just as he was in mid-toss his wife asked him a question and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried to dig it out but in his desperation succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He asked his wife to help him dislodge it but after hours of trying they decided to go to the hospital.

As they were heading out of the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter’s’ young male companion suggested he might be able to get the peanut out. He told the father to sit down and relax, then proceeded to shove two fingers up the father’s nose and told him to blow hard. The father blew as he was told, and to everyone’s huge relief the peanut flew out of his ear. The mother and father thanked him profusely for helping them out. “It was nothing,” the young man insisted modestly.

Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said, “That’s wonderful! Isn’t he a smart young man? What do you think he’s going to be when he grows older?”

The father replied, “Judging from the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law.”

Many of us remember “fondly” (not!) using the Outhouse. Oh, those were the “good old days!”

Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out, "Pa! You need to go out and fix the outhouse!"

Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse." Ma yells back, "Yes there is, now git out there and fix it."

So Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with this here outhouse!"

"Ma replies, "Dang it... stick yur head in the hole!"

Pa yells back, "I ain't stickin my head in that thar hole!

"Ma says, "Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what the heck to fix."

So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with this here outhouse!"

Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of the hole!"

Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling, "Ma! Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!"

To which Ma replies, “Hurts, don't it?!"

Read it, Liked it, Stole it !

This couple go to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon and are watching the auctioning off of bulls. The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off, "A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 57 times last year." The wife nudges her husband in the ribs and comments, "See! That was more than once a week!" The second bull is to be sold, "Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year." Again the wife bugs her husband, "Hey, that's more than twice a week. What do you say to that?" Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison. The third bull is up for sale, "And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 365 times last year!" The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells, "That's once a day, every day of the year! How about you?" The husband was pretty irritated by now and yells back, "Sure, once a day! Great! But, you ask the auctioneer if they were all with the same cow!"

I would click a "like" on this last one but my wife would take it the wrong way.

Jack

Originally Posted by Jack F

I would click a "like" on this last one but my wife would take it the wrong way.

Jack

I'm lucky,Jack..My wife doesn't look over my shoulder when I'm on CHR..and i didn't tell her the story,either,like I do,sometimes..