Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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A farmer , to improve his herd stock , buys a prime stud bull . A beautiful beast .. But after the first month the bull has not been interested in the cows on heat .. In desperation he calls the vet . The vet duly arrives and after walking around the penned bull several times sighs Ahh and takes from his bag a length of hose .He inserts it into the bull’s anus and gives a short sharp puff . The bull perks up and is quickly about those cows that are waiting on his services. The charge $150.00 at which the farmer flinches A month goes by and the bull slowly looses his libido . Again the vet is called , again the ritual of walking about the bull , the inserted tube the sharp puff of air and the bull is raring to go and of course another $150.00 .. A third month passes and the bull’s ability again declines ,,the vet is summoned and while waiting the farmer decides he will give the cure a try . He cuts a length from the garden hose inserts it and gives a good blow ,,,, nothing ,,,he blows again to no avail and the vet arrives . He looks and a look of disdain crosses his face as he spots the inserted tube . He removes the tube , reverses it , reinserts it and gives a short sharp puff of air , Ah says the farmer , I had it the wrong way round ? No says the vet , there is no way I am puffing air into the same end that you blew in to .



A few years pass and the bull having been treated several times is slowly declining in his lust for the cows .. The farmer calls the vet who after some tests offers the farmer a drench that he assures will cure the bull . An expensive drench some hundred odd dollars . He is told the name of the product in case he wants further supplies as it is good for all animals . But it works and the bull full of vigour has served the full heard and is looking for further cows ,even giving some of the cows a second attending . The neighbouring farmer has observed the effect it has had on the stud bull and after some waiting asks the farmer what the secret is . The farmer tells all and the neighbour asks the name of the special drench … the farmer thinks for a while and replies ,, Cant remember the name but it tastes like liquorice .

THE GUNFIGHTER

A young cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had been the fastest gun in the West.

The cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him of his great ambition to be a great shot... ‘Could you give me some tips?' he asked.

The old man said, 'Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high - tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.'


'Will that make me a better gunfighter?'...... 'Sure will '


The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his .44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player.

'That's terrific!' said the cowboy. 'Got any more tips?'

'Yep,' said the old man. 'Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it - that’ll give you a smoother draw'

'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young man.

'You bet it will,' said the old-timer.

The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and then shot a cufflink off the piano player.

'Wow!' exclaimed the cowboy 'I'm learnin' somethin' here. Got any more tips?'

The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. 'See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it.'

The young man smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.

'No,' said the old-timer, 'I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all.'

'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young man.




'No,' said the old-timer, 'but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, he's gonna shove that gun up your ass, and it won't hurt as much...




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