Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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Unbeknownst to many of us, women often suffer from mid-life crises and need to put a little pizazz into the mix. One such woman informed her husband that she wanted to buy a new red sports car to which he replied, “I don’t think that’s a good idea honey. As fast as you drive and all I be worried that the brakes wouldn’t be up to the task of stopping you properly.”

“Well”, she replied, “I’ll just have to make sure I buy a car that has really good brakes!”

So off she went to the car dealers and sure enough, a beautiful bright red ZL1 caught her eye. The dealer approached her - extolling the low miles and excellent condition the roadster and asked if he could help her.

“I really like this car. Is it fast?” she asked.

“You bet it is. Zero to sixty under four seconds and a standing quarter mile in the elevens!” boasted the dealer.

“How are the brakes? Does it have good brakes?” she asked.

“The best!” exclaimed the dealer. “Hop in and I’ll show you.”

They hopped in the car with the dealer behind the wheel. He was jabbering away and from the big smile on the woman’s face, could tell the sale was nearly in the bag.

“I have to be convinced that the brakes are really good.” Emphasized the prospective owner – to which the dealer responded by turning into a dead end street and flooring the car. As the ZL1 accelerated to 60 miles per hour, they came in sight of a concrete barricade announcing the end of the street and the dealer pushed the brake pedal down – tires barely screeching and smoke wisps appearing as they stopped twenty feet away from the end of the street.

“Smell that?” asked the dealer, “that’s burning rubber and it means all four of the tires locked up good and tight which proves the brakes are really good!”

Well that sealed the deal and as her husband came home, the bright red bomb was in the driveway. He walked around the can and had to admit it was beautiful. He was admiring the low miles and new tires when his wife bounded out of the house overjoyed with her find.

“Well what do you think?” she gushed. Low miles and a real find don’t you think?”

“It sure looks good – but how are the brakes? I need to be convinced that it has really good brakes!”

As if on cue, she replied, “Well hop in and I’ll show you!”

Jabbering away, she soon found the same dead end street that the dealer had used in his demonstration and wanting to really convince her husband that she made the right choice and that the car had excellent brakes, she nailed the pedal and the ZL1 instantly leapt to the century mark. Her husband’s eyes became the size of pie plates as the concrete barrier approached. Too scared to scream he covered his head as his wife mashed the brakes on, sliding the car sideways, tires screaming as if in shear agony and stopping scant inches from certain death with clouds acrid of smoke engulfing the car.”

She was so very excited having demonstrated not only the braking capacity of the car but her expertise in driving as she asked, “Smell that?” to which her husband replied, “Smell it? I’M SITTING IN IT!!”

A tough old cowboy from West Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning. The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died. She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.

Everyone is talking about the possibility of Cannabis being legalized.
Talk on the street indicates that Willie Nelson might even start his own Retail Bizz.
One News reporter said this:
"If you buy an ounce, it's called a Full Nelson"
"if you buy a half ounce it's called a Half Nelson"
but
"If you buy less that that, it's called a Little Willie"