Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

Tweet

Golfer Surgery:

A golfer was in a car accident and lost his arm. He was taken to hospital and just before he was put under, the surgeon dropped in to see him "I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon. "The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!"
"Oh God, no!" cries the man "My golfing is over! Please Doc what's the good news?
"The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm. I'll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant."
"Go for it doc" says the man. "As long as I can play golf again."
The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon.
"Hi, how's the new arm?" asks the surgeon.
"Just great," says the businessman. "I'm playing the best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting has really improved."
"Not only that," continued the golfer "my handwriting has improved, I've learned how to sew my own clothes and I've even taken up painting landscapes in water colours."
"Unbelievable!" said the surgeon "I'm so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. Are you having any side effects?"
"Well, there is just one problem" said the golfer. "Every time I get an erection I also get a splitting headache."

When you're over 70 who gives a #*@!


I was standing at the bar one night, minding my own business.
This fat ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my ass and said, "You're kind of cute, you gotta a phone number?"
I said, “Yea, you gotta pen?"
She said "Yea", I got a pen".
I said, "Well, you better get back in it before the farmer misses you".
Cost me 6 stitches.
When you are over seventy . . . who gives a ****



Cowboy: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
Cowboy: "Nah.. She's purty good lookin'....."
When you are over seventy, who gives a ****

***********
I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said,
"If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."
When you are over seventy, who gives a ****

***********
I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
When you are over seventy, who gives a ****

***********
I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
When you are over seventy, who gives a ****

***********
I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I said, "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so."
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
When you are over seventy, who gives a ****