Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

Tweet

Good
A Central Otago Traffic Patrol Cop watching for speeders, but wasn't getting many.
Then he discovered the problem - a 12-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign, which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD."
The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket full of money.
(And we used to just sell lemonade!)

BETTER
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated
radar post in Central Otago with a Fine of $160 included.
Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $160
The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.


Best
A young woman was pulled over for speeding.
As a Central Otago Cop walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket
book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Central Otago Police Ball."
He replied, "Central Otago Police don't have balls."
There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said.
He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left.
She was laughing too hard to start her car.
.

This was in an Otago newspaper.

Good
A Central Otago Traffic Patrol Cop watching for speeders, but wasn't getting many.
Then he discovered the problem - a 12-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign, which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD."
The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket full of money.
(And we used to just sell lemonade!)

BETTER
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated
radar post in Central Otago with a Fine of $160 included.
Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $160
The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.


Best
A young woman was pulled over for speeding.
As a Central Otago Cop walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket
book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Central Otago Police Ball."
He replied, "Central Otago Police don't have balls."
There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said.
He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left.
She was laughing too hard to start her car.
.

The town was inundated with swarms of insects, forcing everyone to remain indoors! The local police sent in swat teams.....

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached Father McCarthy with an unusual offer: “Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I’m supposed to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that out.”
He passed Father McCarthy a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.
On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom’s vows, Father McCarthy looked the young man in the eye and said: “Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live? ”
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, “Yes,” then leaned toward Father McCarthy and hissed: “I thought we had a deal.”
Father McCarthy put a $100 bill into the groom’s hand and whispered:

“She made me a better offer.”
.

I told my wife that the next door neighbor died.

She replied, "Who, Ray?"

I answered quickly, "C'mon, it's way too soon to celebrate like that! Show some respect!!"

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class, was squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention.

She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.

The teacher told him to go down to the principal’s office; he was to phone his mother and ask her what he should do about it.

He did, and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room.

She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.

“I thought I told you to call your Mom,” she screamed. “I did,” he said, “and she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she’d come and pick me up from school.”

The mother in law came over for tea.
"Why does that dog of yours keep staring at me?" she asked.
"It's his plate you're eating off." I said.
.

A little girl was at a wedding with her parents. Slightly confused after the nuptials she asked her mother why the bride changed her mind.
"What do you mean?" responded her mother looking perplexed.
"Well," said the little girl with the kind of observational powers only a child can manage "She went down the aisle with one man and came back with another!"
.