Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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Yesterday Harry had an appointment to see the urologist for a prostate exam.
Of course he was a bit on edge because all his friends have either gone under the knife or had those pellets implanted.
The waiting room was filled with patients.
As he approached the receptionist's desk he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrester.
Harry gave her his name.
In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, “YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?”
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at Harry, a now very embarrassed man.
But as usual, he recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, ”NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.”

The room erupted in applause.
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Yesterday Harry had an appointment to see the urologist for a prostate exam.
Of course he was a bit on edge because all his friends have either gone under the knife or had those pellets implanted.
The waiting room was filled with patients.
As he approached the receptionist's desk he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrester.
Harry gave her his name.
In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, “YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?”
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at Harry, a now very embarrassed man.
But as usual, he recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, ”NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.”

The room erupted in applause.
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As you get older, have you noticed that your feet are getting further away from your hands when putting socks on?
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I don't always carry all the groceries on one arm...
But when I do my keys are always in the wrong pocket...
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What do you call a cow that has a bad twitch?

Beef jerky.
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Young Ethelred was only three
-Or somewhere thereabouts when he
Began to show in diverse ways
The early stages of the craze
Of knowing the particulars
Of motor bikes and motor cars.
It started with a little book
To enter numbers which he took,
And though his mother often said
"Now do be careful Ethelred.
Oh dear, oh dear, what should I do
If anything ran over you?"
(Which Ethelred could hardly know
And sometimes crossly told her so)
It didn't check his zeal a bit
But rather seemed to foster it.
Indeed it would astonish you
To hear of all the things he knew;
He'd guess the make and get it right
Of every car that came in sight.
He knew as well its MPG
Its MPH and £sd,
What gears it had, what brakes and what;
In short he knew an awful lot.
Now when a boy thinks day and night
Of motor cars with all his might
He gets affected in the head
And so it was with Ethelred.
He took long drinks from mug and cup
To fill his radiator up.
And went about upon all fours
And usually, to get indoors
He pressed a button then reversed
And went in slowly backmost first.
He called himself a Packford Eight
And wore a little number plate
Attached behind with bits of string
He looked just like the real thing.
He drove himself to school and tried
All day to park himself outside.
At which the head became irate
And caned him on his number plate.
And then one day an oily smell
Hung round him and he wasn't well.
"That's odd" he said, "I wonder what
Has caused this rumbling pain I've got?"
No car should get an aching tum
from taking in petroleum".
At that he cranked himself but no
He couldn't get himself to go.
He merely whirred a bit inside
A faint chug-chug, and then he died.


Now as his petrol tank was full,
They labelled him inflammable
And wisely saw to it that he
Was buried safely out at sea.
So if at any time your fish
Should taste a trifle oilyish
You'll know that fish has lately fed
On what remains of Ethelred.
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Internet went down and I had to spend time with the family.
They seem like good people.
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My wife is of the opinion that I'm useless with repairing electrical appliances.

Well She's due for a shock.
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As I get older, I remember all of the people I've lost along the way.
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Maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t the right choice.

Originally Posted by johnboy

My wife is of the opinion that I'm useless with repairing electrical appliances.

Well She's due for a shock.
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JB's voltage tester...
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I got SWMBO to help me put in a new board fence around our new section. I gave her the new hammer, told her that I would hold the board and when I nodded She was to hit it.

I don't remember much after that.
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