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Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel
          
   
   

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  1. #4156
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    May 2005
    Location
    Tataraimaka NZ
    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
    Posts
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    Yesterday Harry had an appointment to see the urologist for a prostate exam.
    Of course he was a bit on edge because all his friends have either gone under the knife or had those pellets implanted.
    The waiting room was filled with patients.
    As he approached the receptionist's desk he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrester.
    Harry gave her his name.
    In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, “YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?”
    All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at Harry, a now very embarrassed man.
    But as usual, he recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, ”NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.”

    The room erupted in applause.
    .
    NTFDAY, glennsexton, 34_40 and 1 others like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  2. #4157
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Tataraimaka NZ
    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
    Posts
    2,816

    Yesterday Harry had an appointment to see the urologist for a prostate exam.
    Of course he was a bit on edge because all his friends have either gone under the knife or had those pellets implanted.
    The waiting room was filled with patients.
    As he approached the receptionist's desk he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrester.
    Harry gave her his name.
    In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, “YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?”
    All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at Harry, a now very embarrassed man.
    But as usual, he recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, ”NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.”

    The room erupted in applause.
    .
    stovens and t-top havoc like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  3. #4158
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Tataraimaka NZ
    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
    Posts
    2,816

    As you get older, have you noticed that your feet are getting further away from your hands when putting socks on?
    .
    NTFDAY, glennsexton and stovens like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  4. #4159
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Tataraimaka NZ
    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
    Posts
    2,816

    I don't always carry all the groceries on one arm...
    But when I do my keys are always in the wrong pocket...
    ,
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  5. #4160
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Tataraimaka NZ
    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
    Posts
    2,816

    What do you call a cow that has a bad twitch?

    Beef jerky.
    .
    NTFDAY and stovens like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  6. #4161
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Tataraimaka NZ
    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
    Posts
    2,816

    Young Ethelred was only three
    -Or somewhere thereabouts when he
    Began to show in diverse ways
    The early stages of the craze
    Of knowing the particulars
    Of motor bikes and motor cars.
    It started with a little book
    To enter numbers which he took,
    And though his mother often said
    "Now do be careful Ethelred.
    Oh dear, oh dear, what should I do
    If anything ran over you?"
    (Which Ethelred could hardly know
    And sometimes crossly told her so)
    It didn't check his zeal a bit
    But rather seemed to foster it.
    Indeed it would astonish you
    To hear of all the things he knew;
    He'd guess the make and get it right
    Of every car that came in sight.
    He knew as well its MPG
    Its MPH and £sd,
    What gears it had, what brakes and what;
    In short he knew an awful lot.
    Now when a boy thinks day and night
    Of motor cars with all his might
    He gets affected in the head
    And so it was with Ethelred.
    He took long drinks from mug and cup
    To fill his radiator up.
    And went about upon all fours
    And usually, to get indoors
    He pressed a button then reversed
    And went in slowly backmost first.
    He called himself a Packford Eight
    And wore a little number plate
    Attached behind with bits of string
    He looked just like the real thing.
    He drove himself to school and tried
    All day to park himself outside.
    At which the head became irate
    And caned him on his number plate.
    And then one day an oily smell
    Hung round him and he wasn't well.
    "That's odd" he said, "I wonder what
    Has caused this rumbling pain I've got?"
    No car should get an aching tum
    from taking in petroleum".
    At that he cranked himself but no
    He couldn't get himself to go.
    He merely whirred a bit inside
    A faint chug-chug, and then he died.


    Now as his petrol tank was full,
    They labelled him inflammable
    And wisely saw to it that he
    Was buried safely out at sea.
    So if at any time your fish
    Should taste a trifle oilyish
    You'll know that fish has lately fed
    On what remains of Ethelred.
    .
    NTFDAY and stovens like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  7. #4162
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Tataraimaka NZ
    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
    Posts
    2,816

    Internet went down and I had to spend time with the family.
    They seem like good people.
    ,
    NTFDAY and glennsexton like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  8. #4163
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Tataraimaka NZ
    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
    Posts
    2,816

    My wife is of the opinion that I'm useless with repairing electrical appliances.

    Well She's due for a shock.
    .
    NTFDAY likes this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  9. #4164
    rspears's Avatar
    rspears is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Sep 2007
    Location
    Gardner, KS
    Car Year, Make, Model: '33 HiBoy Coupe, '32 HiBoy Roadster
    Posts
    11,123

    As I get older, I remember all of the people I've lost along the way.
    .
    .
    Maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t the right choice.
    NTFDAY and johnboy like this.
    Roger
    Enjoy the little things in life, and you may look back one day and realize that they were really the BIG things.

  10. #4165
    rspears's Avatar
    rspears is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
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    Gardner, KS
    Car Year, Make, Model: '33 HiBoy Coupe, '32 HiBoy Roadster
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    Quote Originally Posted by johnboy View Post
    My wife is of the opinion that I'm useless with repairing electrical appliances.

    Well She's due for a shock.
    .
    JB's voltage tester...
    -
    FB_IMG_1730341481801.jpg
    -
    NTFDAY and johnboy like this.
    Roger
    Enjoy the little things in life, and you may look back one day and realize that they were really the BIG things.

  11. #4166
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Tataraimaka NZ
    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
    Posts
    2,816

    I got SWMBO to help me put in a new board fence around our new section. I gave her the new hammer, told her that I would hold the board and when I nodded She was to hit it.

    I don't remember much after that.
    ,
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

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