A lady walks into a bar with a duck under her arm and an old drunk at the end of the bar says in a slurd voice, "Where'd ya get that pig." The lady promptly responds, "It's not a pig it's a duck." The old man says, "I know, that's who I was speaking to."

A giraffe walks into a bar and says, "The highballs are on me."! (effect enhanced with an complimentory rimshot)

What do a Harley and Hoover vacuum have in common?
The dirtbag attched to the rear of it!
(If I'm hated after that one I have no one to blame except my buddy who told it to me... I must admit I found it very funny.) A word of caution: Don't tell that one in a crowded bar during the Sturgis Harley fest. Still having a hard time seeing straight.