Redneck joke:

Two Rednecks were having the blue plate
special at their favorite diner,
when they heard this awful choking
sound. They turned around to see a lady,
a few bar stools down, turning blue from
wolfing down a 'possum burger too
fast.
The first hillbilly said to the other,
"Think we otta' help?"
"I reckon," said the second hillbilly.
The first hillbilly got up and walked
over to the lady and asked, "Kin yew
breathe?"
She shook her head no.
"Kin yew talk?" he asked.
She again shook her head no.
With that he helped her to her feet,
lifted up her skirt and licked her on
the butt. She was so shocked, she
coughed up the obstruction and began to
breathe, with great relief.
The first hillbilly turned back to his
friend and said, "Funny how that
there Hind Lick Maneuver works ever'
time."


Don't you love health insurance ?
Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test
results.
Receptionist: "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up
and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab,
the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well, and we are now
uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, that's either bad or terrible."
Mr. Smith: "What do you mean?"
Receptionist: "Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for
Alzheimer disease and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which is your wife."
Mr. Smith: "That's terrible! Can we do the test over?"
Receptionist: "Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they won't pay for
these expensive tests more than once."
Mr. Smith: "Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
Receptionist: "The doctor recommends that you drop your wife off in the
middle of town. If she finds her way home, don't sleep with her."


And one for the Texans on the board;
An elderly couple are vacationing in the West. Sam always
wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys
them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into their room and says
to his wife, "Notice anything different, Bessie?"

Bessie looks him over, "Nope." Sam says excitedly "Come on
Bessie, take a good look. Notice anything different about me?" Bessie looks again, "Nope."

Frustrated, Sam storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and
walks back into the room completely naked except for his boots. Again he asks, a
little louder this time, "Notice anything different?"

Bessie looks up and says "Sam, what's different? Its hanging
down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."

Furious, Sam yells, "And do you know why it is hanging down,
Bessie? It's hanging down because its looking at my new boots!!!"

Bessie replies, ......... "Should'a bought a hat, Sam."


Matt