Thread: What you always wanted to know!

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Well, except for Severson.

What women really want;


FALL CLASSES FOR MEN



REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY Monday, October 23, 2007




NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.





Classes begin Monday, October 30, 2007





Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.





Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.





Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.





Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturday at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.





Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM . < o>





Class 6
Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM .





Class 7
Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places
And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.





Class 8
Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.





Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesday at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.





Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday noon , 2 hours.





Class 11
Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing .
Tuesday at 7:00 PM, location to be determined.





Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours ! Beginning at 7 :00 PM





Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.

Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.





Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesday at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Originally Posted by Bob Parmenter

Well, except for Severson.

What women really want;


FALL CLASSES FOR MEN



REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY Monday, October 23, 2007




NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.





Classes begin Monday, October 30, 2007





Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.





Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.





Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.





Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturday at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.





Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM . < o>





Class 6
Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM .





Class 7
Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places
And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.





Class 8
Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.





Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesday at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.





Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday noon , 2 hours.





Class 11
Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing .
Tuesday at 7:00 PM, location to be determined.





Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours ! Beginning at 7 :00 PM





Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.

Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.





Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesday at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Dave,you don't have to take that!!!

i have a couple of solutions if anyone is enterested ..

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

solution: i told the wife i would be more than happy to just start peeing
in her sink if she had a problem with the above!!
responce: she said never mind about the seat

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturday at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

solution: i told her "im a guy" who cares about clean clothes? and that
i dont smell anything even if she thinks she does.
respounce: dont worry about the clothes thingy.

Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM .

solution: i told her the dogs do a fine job of cleaning up plates
respounce: nevermind!

the rest yall are on your own!

You guys better all get signed up so you can learn how to have a "meaningful dialogue with your significant other". I'd go, but I'm sure I'm throwing darts that night, or have to give the dog a bath or something equally important. As I've said before, marriage is an institution---I prefer not to be institutionalized!!!!!

it sounds like a far to complex class for me to be trying to pass.

do you offer this by mail? you know distance education!
do i need a transcript of marks?
do i have to prove my sanity with my alleged better half trying to "school me"
in these finer points,for the last 25 years or so

Originally Posted by DONNIE G

do you offer this by mail? you know distance education!
LOL:

I'm going to choose to stay as distant from this form of education as I possibly can!!!!! Rates right up there with one of my sister's calling me to say that they know this girl they'd like to introduce me too!!!!!! Always seem to be too busy then, too!!

does you're sister use any of the two following lines

a) shes got a good sence of humor!

b) she can cook!

trouble coming buddy! run forrest run!

Originally Posted by DONNIE G

does you're sister use any of the two following lines

a) shes got a good sence of humor!

b) she can cook!

trouble coming buddy! run forrest run!

One or both are always the line that comes right after "There's this really nice girl you should meet"!!!!!!!

Originally Posted by DONNIE G

does you're sister use any of the two following lines

a) shes got a good sence of humor!

b) she can cook!

trouble coming buddy! run forrest run!

you forgot the looks part you know? "it only matters whats on the inside"

here it is in writing folks , just proves most of us are slow learners

Originally Posted by DONNIE G

do you offer this by mail?

As soon as we translate it into Canadian.........eh?

Originally Posted by Dave Severson

One or both are always the line that comes right after "There's this really nice girl you should meet"!!!!!!!

Followed closely by the complimentary phrase "She doesn't sweat much for her size."

Those are some great courses, but I have learned, after 29 years of marriage, how to reduce my class times.
1. Get an icemaker or buy bags. Lose the trays.
2. I load the toilet paper 90% of the time.
3. Yes it is possible, but not as much fun.
4. Get everybody their own hamper. I still use the floor until wash day and then throw in my hamper (basket).
5. Get a dish washer. Now argument is which way dishes go in to it.
6. Never ever give up the remote. I sit on it to avoid loss.
7. Learn to leave things in one place only. This course may help.
8.Just do it. Works everytime. Especially, helpful in event of #13
9.Got a GPS to avoid embarassing questions.
10.Take this course if you have loose lips or tend to giggle.
11. Dont' go there. Differences can not be spoken out loud without death threats.
12. Simply agree to go, then disappear. Or go and then head for Autozone. You won't be asked again.
13.Just forget one, and you won't forget another. No class needed.
14.I mastered this while still a bachelor. No course needed.

im not loadin no paper unless i need it , the ladys use twice as much and i live in a house with 4 of the she-devils

Originally Posted by Bob Parmenter

Followed closely by the complimentary phrase "She doesn't sweat much for her size."

You must of been talking to my little sister!!! Got stuck with one of "them" at last years New Year's Day family type party!!!! My only question is, just how rude does one have to be before they quit calling??? Man, that was almost 11 months ago!!!!!!!!!!!!!